I’ve been dealing with some personal issues, so I am going to continue sorting through these.
I hope to be back posting, and reading, and creating soon.
Much love to you all,
I wanted to write about this, but I wanted to be sure anyone reading it understands that it might be a difficult read, so I have password protected it.
The password is: ContentWarning
Not graphic, just difficult.
Character grabs the wrong book.
The way this actress moves is hilarious.
I have questions about this video like, were there dances where the ladies collected tickets from the gents for dancing?
There’s a nightlight in the bathroom
A good way to get a book taken away
Is to sit on the counter and read by it
The elastic on that night gown itched and pinched
A little ruffle around the cuff
Candy pink with flowers on it
A little ruffle by the calf
It’s not completely dark
A fan in the hall whirs to dampen stray noises
Whimpers and pleading
Thuds and crying
Yelling and misery
A good night is quiet
Not too quiet though
When something brews in that silence
I began to sing
I am a child of god and
this is my father’s world
grace would be amazing if it arrived in time
Can my voice stay the hands that violate
And would they have me sing in front of crowds
Using the voice that protected me
(or tried to)
I gave my voice away as an adult
I gave it to my babies when they struggled to sleep
I gave it to the dishes when they were dirty
I sang the floors clean and the dust away
I sang to the falling waters
To seedlings and horses
I made up songs and story songs to entertain
As they grew we sang together at the table
(this was never allowed to me when I was young)
This voice that falters in front of a camera
How a camera triggers
Being photographed and video’d
Being shoved forward to perform
The grand lie of a happy home
We’re a happy family
We’re a happy family
Me mom and daddy
There’s a soft glow worm finger puppet
that provides a tiny light in the dark
while I sing myself forward
out of a nightmare
and into life
Taking the week off from blogging as I have a couple of extra projects this week.
Expect to be back somewhat regularly next week!
Heart WadiHeart Wadi
In the desert of my heart, I found a spring.
The eye of the mother woke up weeping for her children.
As I drank deep of the clear water, the sky let loose with rain.
The sands burst forth with flowers, yellow blooms, green leaves.
Thank you, dear friend, for leading me to the well of compassion.
Thank you, dear friend, for leading me to the well of joy.
In the desert of my heart, I stood in need.
The sustenance I needed, could not be found.
When you took my hand in yours and led me further,
I wondered what at the end we’d find.
Thank you, dear friend, for leading me across the valley.
Thank you, dear friend, for staying by my side.
In the desert of my heart, know that death did stalk me.
The desert dogs were nipping at my heels.
Thirst and hunger were quick to overtake me.
The rocks tore at my hands and knees.
Thank you, dear friend, for shelter and for safety.
Thank you, dear friend, for food and for a drink.
In the desert of my heart, I stood in silence.
The pulse that should have been could not be heard.
I bent my ear down to listen to the stones.
From this position I could see your wounds before me.
The eye within me opened wide to cry.
Thank you, dear friend, for leading me to my heart.
Thank you, dear friend, your presence made it start.
Dear friend, let me help you cross your desert.
We will keep the dogs and thirst at bay.
Drink from my well until you find yours.
The rain will come and wash away the sorrow.
Dear friend, let me dress your wounds and soothe you,
And, we will live to lead another on the way
The transcript, studies, and my notes on the text can be found here on my website.
Everyone has dreams while they’re sleeping, even if they don’t always remember them. I sometimes have dreams that come true, and I am not always sleeping when I get them. A big blow in my life came when some of the dreams that had come true for me ended, and my subsequent reluctance to really unfold any new dreams coming my way stems from that. Some of the dreams I have had which came true were in direct response to my being nervous about a big life change out in front of me, such as when I moved to the Caribbean with my at-the-time-husband, and our three young children.
Some of the dreams were the catalyst for a life change, like moving from Saudi Arabia to Vermont with my three middle school aged kids, and starting a horse farm, giving lessons, and raising chickens and other fun farm stuff.
We speak a little about memory and how unreliable it can be, even though we launch ourselves, and our worldview from it. Which led us to talking about the stories we tell ourselves, and about the impermanence of things, and adapting to living within the paradox of these stories.
There are refences to myth making and the personal narrative, how our perception narrows based on environmental reinforcement, and how humanity is, perhaps, living in a skewed room. We end up touch back on how life is like a sand mandala. We put in the effort, even if success is only for a second, and then put our shoulders back to the wheels.
What are your dreams?
What stories are you telling yourself about fulfilling them?
I drew this drawing, Infinite Gesture, to go with the podcast, and it’s available on RedBubble where you can stick it on T-shirts, coffee mugs, and whatever. If you’d like to do that, just follow the link below.
There is a burnishing of the soul
How it hurts
Scraping away the etchings of the past
There is the forging
Dipped into fires too hot to withstand
And then pounded by fate
Dipped, and pounded
Finally thrust into to cold water
The worst though
The worst is that moment of being chopped into pieces
Melted into a featureless brick
Placed on a shelf for later
Until there is need
Fires and forging
Molded and shaped
What will I become this time
Burnished until gleaming
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