Did I Mention

Would that I had told you

How the fire burns within

Little embers, little sparks

Lights that brighten up the dark

When I see you smile

And hear you laugh

The joy I feel when you are near

Did I mention that I see your heart

In every thing you do

How beautiful the colors cast

Reflect in every movement

To hear your voice is sweetness

Surpassing every sound

When I sleep and when I wake

It is your name said like a prayer

You are a sacred place

A quiet pond

A respite

From the worries that I carry

Upon your shore I lay them

For a moment fettered free

When you reach for me

The world bursts into blooms

Nonsense

I listen to the rattling words

Bouncing through my head

I try to get them into line

I remember what you said

Rather what was implied

Shifting goalposts on a whim

You had me always striving

To try and become just what you wanted

Even though you changed your mind

If I ever I began to close in upon the form

I should be louder, softer, bolder, shy

I could be thinner, thicker, smarter, quiet

I could be stronger, weaker, taller, sicker

I jumped through hoops until I cried

It’s not enough

It’s all too much

Frazzled, dizzy, restless, sad

Spinning in the vortex of unstated expectations

striving always for the few articulated bars

Of a song full of dissonance the key was always

Changing

This dance never slowed down from a frenzy

Until one day I stopped

Cooperating in the ragged ragtime rhthym

And set about with drum in hand

To beat out a new percussion

Soft and slow

Long and low

You cannot even see me now

I glide upon the clouds

You cannot ever hold me now

I’m mist and falling snow

Look

Look

And you will never see me coming

You will never see me go

I have entered deep within the realm

Of spirit

A place I never fear to find you there

This is a place that you refuse to go

I know you’re out there somewhere

Spewing nonsense once again

Probably found a target

Take her for the spin

Maybe she likes the dance

Maybe it suits her

I am free and floating

Far from the pages that you’d written

The ink is flowing freely

This story is my own

I thank you

Many blessings

Upside down

I kiss the stone

Sentinels

Nature’s fortress formed by stone

Deep in the forest flora

The sentinels are growing there

Straight and tall

Straight and true

Shelter for the birds and creatures

Crawling through the day and night

Grazing, hunting, singing bright

Beneath the silent watch of wood

Guardians of all that strive

Protectors of the wilderness

We walk humble through the towering trees

Underneath the canopy of leaves

What will we find

On the other side of the rocks

We climb in reverence

We climb again

Always reaching beyond

The known

To discover another wonder

Mysteries unveiled

Another marker on the trail

Detritus

There is no composition

Without decomposition

We break down

Broken down by fates and whims

The sun shines

The wind howls

The rain falls

The rotting and decay

Spirits falling and flagging and flailing

Components revealed

Bleached bones of old structures

Half buried by what used to be

Gone

Our youth

Gone

Our pride

Gone

Our strength

Molecules become atoms

Reforming into new molecules

Reprocessed

All the material at the ready

For composition

We write our stories in time

One decision after the next

Seeds splitting open to sprout

Recombining the secret patterns

Into glittering webs of life

We sing hope into the sky

Bright streams of glorious light

One note after the next

A chorus

A melody

A symphony

From that pain and joy

Wringing something new out of the earth

Until we are so far away from the detritus

That we forget

Have forgotten

That it was born from utter destruction

Of what had been

Broken down through time

Rocks became rubble

Oceans rose and fell

Fires flamed and fed

We turn

We turn

We turn to stone and

When the butterfly lands

On our shoulders

We return to life

To grow and glow and shine

Hearts open and eyes bright

Wasteland

Nothing grows there

But rocks and dust and debris

Rain never falls

Frozen at room temperature

Solid and unmoving

It’s not death

It’s not life

Stasis

Eons will pass

before there will be change

growth

We pass through it

on the way to our heart

Crunching the past underfoot

searching always

for depth of soil

moisture

In the forest shades

And bright meadows

We plant tears

tending sprouts like newborns

leaving behind

all that will not be needed

in this next step we take

Desired

Unfettered from the past

We walk and run and play

Moving towards that which we desire

Love or success or contemplation

In stillness we gather

In movement we release

The spirit soars and crashes

Moods shift like a storm front

Hot and slow

Rainy and cool

We meet on the edge

Of brilliance and disaster

Taking and giving and taking

It will come around again and again and again

Indecision before deciding

Wretched agonizing and cool clear certitude

Don’t hold back

Don’t give in

Don’t be bad

Don’t do it again

We are run away horses

We are the windblown plains

We are the sky at dawn

We are the Milky Way

With the sky on fire

With the burning earth

We are turning over

We are turning in

We are rounding the corner

We are about to begin

All that we hoped to become

All that we longed to know

All that there is to accumulate

We let go and let go and let go

For in an instance

Eternal illumination struck sizzling

For an instant

We held all we desired in our hands

And let go

We let it go

To walk and run and play

Unfettered

In A Row

My mind is arguing

Fighting

Fighting

Tossing and turning

Trying to plant thoughts

Evenly spaced

In a logical progression

All in chaos

Some escape

Like artists

Deep into the woods

With an easel

To paint wild creatures

And draw imagination

Out from under the canopy

Some take to wing

Like angels soaring

Clouds and Heaven and hymns

Only touching the solid earth for a moment

To Bless and disappear

Some creep in like nightmares

Sinewy tendrils of darkness choking

Winding and climbing

Cut them quickly before they bloom

Before they

Before

Hurry

Please

But I glow brighter

They shrink back

Slithering away

Then

I am dancing in the storm of thought

In rain without the acidic touch

I am light

Lighter still

Still lighting the flow

Still flowing the light

YouTube Channel Activate!

I have been recording my practice sessions (mostly for my own review), and posting them to YouTube (to reduce my use of perfectionism as a barrier to exposure and thus of accomplishment) and during this one I may have had an epiphany resulting in a rant, and here are the stages – some of you may know these faces quite well – of me in full blown dismantling the BS mode.

I grabbed these stills from the video, because here are the many faces of me in all of my glory (in case you missed seeing these nuances).

This is long, but pretty funny. There’s singing, ranting, raving, a UFO, and an explosion, oh, and I strum the guitar a little.

During the pandemic lockdown, I made a little black and white silent film. I love these kind of movies – the short sentences flashing in between the exaggerated action, the music, the humor, and the way they are sensitive and sweet even as they make you laugh. My attempt at recreating the feel of this is small, and this was before I had gotten my video editing software so it’s not well cropped, but if you want to watch it, you can find it here:

My silent film. Sorry about my foot.

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