Slow to Love, Slow to Let Go

There’s no apology to this love

Did you think this heart would run forever

Do you think the beat has stopped

I won’t say sorry for the way I give myself

Whole and complete

Or the roots growing deep

When I call them back one by one

From their spread throughout the world

Would I have shouted from the mountains

How my love for you was true

Would I have flown banners through the sky

Would I have written on the ocean waves

The way I feel for you

Reluctantly each strand and tendril

Unwind from how they grew

I am toppled now

By gentle breezes

Blown away by sighs

I’m drifting and I’m tumbling

Through a world with no disguise

Unanchored and unmoored

Releasing and let going

Every teardrop full of loving

I’ll get somewhere in some time

I’m not yet there

The shape of you still shapes me

In a way I really like

So I linger here a while

As the sunsets on this night

blue and white boat on body of water
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Tail Ends

There were stories told about her hair

How dangling out the window curved

A brave lover dared to climb

Who woo’d her time and time again

Until she fled captivity

Did she bundle up her locks to flee

Did she sheer them off and hide the key

Did she stay the course with lover dear

Or did she veer away when the path was clear

Around the campfires late at night

They sing the tale of tail’s poor plight

How clumps and strands of golden locks

Were found within the Bear’s porridge

Wrapped around the table and every chair

Mounded on each size of cot

No footprints leaving through the mud

The theory is she’d had enough

Grew wings and to the skies she took

This is how the golden eagle came to be

When we reach the end of gilded tails

Look up and tell me what you see

golden eagle
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I See You, Magnificent

I would tell you over and again

What I love about you

How the sparkle in your eyes lights up the world

How your big huge heart inspires me

How your dedication to the ones you love earns my respect

I would tell you once again

How your love for nature resonates through the wild woods

How your ability to overcome adversity with patience and hope brightens dark corners

How your insights and devotion to growth blaze trails in the minds around you

I would tell you once more

How your presence in this world is needed

How without you the world would be smaller, darker, colder

How without you the music would never play

The sun itself would dull

The clouds would never lift

And song itself would end

These are some of the ways I love you

How can I thank you for the joy you bring

For the light that shines through you

For the notes that become the melody

The harmony of this dissonant world

How can I thank you for staying

Who will tell you these things when I am gone

Listen to the whisper of the wind at dawn

To the ocean coming to shore

To the birds singing in the trees

Saying, “Thank you. I love you. I see you, magnificent.”

Things People Say

She says I’ve lost weight again

I tell her I’ve been lovelorn

We both know it is a lie

I’ve gained two pounds since I saw her last

Tears no longer roll down these cheeks

It’s Lady Gaga I reply

What does she sing about

About relationships between people

She watches the neighborhood rolling through the window

As she says: It is very difficult to accept sweet love after abuse, I think

That might be true I tell her

The Lady sings

He says people who love are duped

That passive people are easily controlled

God is an asshole

Love is a scam to keep people

To keep people from success and whatever

I watch him drift away in clouds of thoughts

I show up daily in love

The grand illusion

He says that he would drive me crazy

I could never put up with him

We agreed

Made room for a friendship

Where romance could not take hold

She said I don’t need to be put down

Or treated badly

I wondered how much room to make

For bad days and trying times

Where and how to draw healthy lines

There are no answers outside

Of this heart

person in black leather shoes sitting on brown wooden chair
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Saturday Evening Look Up

I searched heaven and hell

For your heart

Stepped along sandy beaches

Peered into the waves and foam

Gazed into fading sun and firelight

Listened for the beat of you

When tides came in

Heard your song upon the gentle breeze

Maybe I am flying now

Following this trail

Of clouds

Maybe I am standing still

Losing all my petals

About to go to seed

While the world turns carelessly

The rain pours down senselessly

While your song wavers among stars and dirt

Unable or unwilling

To come home

I am unable or unwilling

To come home

All that remains is the search

For heart and home

And a song that changes

But never ends

Common

Unique and distinguished

We yet share

Woe and distress

Common shame and suffering

That in shadows full of dread

We feel them larger and unweildy

Stronger and unyielding

Then they appear once in the light

There are some, it’s true

Who feel not life’s great and awful sadness

Inexplicable angst

Isolated troubles

Suffering of spirit

When life’s gone all awry

Every step is wrong

Rolling on the floor in writhing agony

Alone and yet together

All this pain of life we weather

Hoping for an end

For some peace

For something better

For anything at all to lift us out of sorrow

From the sages to the pages

Sayings written once or twice

Hang on to love

Be open hearted

One more minute

One more hour

When subjected to the fires

Flames upon each wound

A subtle transformation

A phoenix rising plumed

Hold on to love

Keep going

Take your rest along the way

Remember this is common

Part of life to grieve this day

As the tide returns to shore

One wave after another

Joy will find you in the moonlight

Joy will find you in the dusk

Joy will wake you in the morning

Joy returns little by little

In that flower startled beauty

In the clouds suspended there

In the laughter of your loved ones

In the twilight somber falling

Common sorrow

Common beauty

Will find you there upon the sand

Unique and still distinguished

Healing slowly everywhere

Imperfect Love

My heart loves perfectly

Wholly

Without terms and conditions

My heart is caged

Trapped

Within me

By mind and ego and scars

The past warps expressions

In the rush to emote

I trip over words

Phrased poorly

I am tactless

The worse it goes

The worse I make it

Stumbling and desperate

To give and share the perfect love I feel

The more I try

The more I fall

Stumbling over broken shards of truth

This healing is too hard, I cry

I squash the ego with humiliation

I’m sorry, I say

I’m sorry I’m broken

I’m sorry I wasn’t healed enough

I’m sorry I survived this way

I couldn’t find another way to make it

I couldn’t find a different way to live than this one

I contorted

To be loved

To be understood

I try to be what you need and what you want

Yet in the end I am just this

Mess of partially healed

Partially wounded

Partially wise

Partially healing

Partially damaged

Partially processed

Parts

I am a stew of emotions

I am a bird in flight in the rain

I am the limping wolf

The deer tangled in barbed wire

My heart is caught and wild and pure

If I knew how I would be only peace

If I knew how my words would only soothe

If I knew how my actions would only heal

If I knew how to be invincible

I would cease panicking

Stop suffering

End doubt

Even rocks are not invincible

The world itself suffers

All of life is a blend of love and pain

Light and shadow

I am a layered painting

I am a song of dissonance and harmony

And so are you

And so are you

Loving imperfectly like me

Being imperfectly loved like me

We muddle through it

Wading through this life

Knee deep in mystery

Bog sucking boots

Trying to find dry land again

We slog through the difficulties

Until we’re safe on the forest path

Filtered sunlight and dry trails

Our love growing more confident

Skewed a little more to perfect

A little further way from pained

And we walk joyous together

In the welcoming woods

Did I Mention

Would that I had told you

How the fire burns within

Little embers, little sparks

Lights that brighten up the dark

When I see you smile

And hear you laugh

The joy I feel when you are near

Did I mention that I see your heart

In every thing you do

How beautiful the colors cast

Reflect in every movement

To hear your voice is sweetness

Surpassing every sound

When I sleep and when I wake

It is your name said like a prayer

You are a sacred place

A quiet pond

A respite

From the worries that I carry

Upon your shore I lay them

For a moment fettered free

When you reach for me

The world bursts into blooms

More Congenial

I want to be better

More friendly

More open

More kind

I want to be consistent

Disciplined

Organized

Life is messy

Waves of distractions

Knock me from my feet

I tumble over opportunities

Choosing heart over plans

Meeting needs with disregard for

The outline

The bullet points

The lists

Crumple the paper and start again

I am hung upside down

Shaken

Coins drop from my pockets

I lost a boot

Twenty times I almost got it done

Almost

Almost

I write a list of the things I did

I burn it rather than share it

Flames rise from the actions

Which take place in the dark

The left hand doesn’t even know

The right hand exists

So much I never say

The avalanche clears it away

I check in with my heart

What to do today

white printer paper on white printer paper
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Detritus

There is no composition

Without decomposition

We break down

Broken down by fates and whims

The sun shines

The wind howls

The rain falls

The rotting and decay

Spirits falling and flagging and flailing

Components revealed

Bleached bones of old structures

Half buried by what used to be

Gone

Our youth

Gone

Our pride

Gone

Our strength

Molecules become atoms

Reforming into new molecules

Reprocessed

All the material at the ready

For composition

We write our stories in time

One decision after the next

Seeds splitting open to sprout

Recombining the secret patterns

Into glittering webs of life

We sing hope into the sky

Bright streams of glorious light

One note after the next

A chorus

A melody

A symphony

From that pain and joy

Wringing something new out of the earth

Until we are so far away from the detritus

That we forget

Have forgotten

That it was born from utter destruction

Of what had been

Broken down through time

Rocks became rubble

Oceans rose and fell

Fires flamed and fed

We turn

We turn

We turn to stone and

When the butterfly lands

On our shoulders

We return to life

To grow and glow and shine

Hearts open and eyes bright