Wendy: And we have a lot, collectively, that needs it needs to happen. It needs to get done, you know, we need to reevaluate our society.
Tonya: Absolutely. I think that a lot of the key issues that keep coming up, you know, like we had said before, you know, the child abuse/human trafficking issue. You know a lot of racial issues have been coming up[WK1] . And a lot of these things are sort of systemic.
Tonya: You know, I like to watch a lot of history things and you see where OK so it may have been normal in the 1300s for a 13-year-old to be wed to an adult male, but, you know, that doesn’t mean that it was right then. We are now older and looking at things differently and children should not have sexual relationships with adult men.
Wendy: One would think that’s obvious. You know, there’s some…there’s still some[WK2] states in the[WK3] union[WK4] , here, that you can…if the parents give permission, they can sell off an underage[WK5] …not sell off, I mean, give away.
Tonya: Well, that’s kind of what it seems like. Even then.
Wendy: Yeah, an underage child to marriage. Matrimony. And you know, when I did…I did a sociology paper at Hanover and I was…it was on child abuse and one of the things I found that was interesting legally, legalistically, is that a lot of these parameters like what you’re talking about are set by the state.
Wendy: And no…there’s no continuity from state to state. There are sliding scales like if you’re 14…like there’s different ranges for different age groups so if you’re between like 14-17 in that group, in one at least one state, you know, you can have sexual relationships with other people in that same age group without penalty. But if someone from the age group above…
Tonya: Mmhm. And yeah, and I think that makes sense. Because there are certain times that okay, it might, you know if there’s only a couple of years apart[WK6] , it’s not that big a deal, (W: It’s tricky.) if it was consensual.
Tonya: Consensual. Consent is an important part of it.
Tonya: I mean…yeah, there’s a whole slew of things out there, but the scary thing is how much[WK7] human trafficking is going on in our communities[WK8] [Map 2019 USA] and we’re just completely irrelevant. One positive I can say is that since…when I was first became aware of human trafficking as a problem there was literally no laws for traffickers. So, they would arrest people who were paying for sex with the child but the person selling them really wasn’t doing a crime unless they kidnapped and kept the child in chains, and then it was a minimal slap on the wrist.
Wendy: Oh my gosh, really?
Wendy: It has to be a crime to accept money for prostituting out a child.
Tonya: I agree. I personally tend to be pretty hardcore. I feel that any violent crime against a child should be capital punishment if it’s proven, which throws off a lot of my friends because they say, “Wow, that’s really harsh.” You know, and they’re completely against it, but I…they aren’t rehabilitated. They do it over and [Map of Jessica’s Law by State[WK9] ] over and over [WK10] and over and over again.
Wendy: So, a couple of things on that: in Saudi Arabia that was actually the case and I learned of a sting they actually not only do they investigate it, but they did a sting, and if they proved…to see if the child allegations against the parent, uhm, they said was molesting them who actually was, so they had video of it, of the parent…anyway
Tonya: Yes, when you have irrefutable proof that this was done, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t get a better education than most people can afford for free, and cable TV when many working families can’t afford it. That’s my thought.
Wendy: So, there’s that, and then…what was the other…
Tonya: Oh yeah, I don’t know, I get going off on a digression, it’s a bad Native trait.
Wendy: No, that was definitely one of the things that we were going to talk about. They did the sting Saudi Arabia, and that’s when…oh yeah, the studies…so the sociological studies[WK11] on that show, though, that the…the survivors don’t actually…if the abuser is a parent[WK12] or[WK13] a close relative, the survivors[WK14] generally don’t wish for that parent to die and that could end…so there’s some concern about capital punishment causing additional trauma to the child for having told. And if that’s the case, given the kind of mindset that, you know, child survivor can have if their abuser is a close parent or relative, would decrease the likelihood that they would tell someone if they knew that the penalty was death.
Tonya: That is a valid point.
Wendy: So, there are some different, you know, considerations. But overall, our society[WK15] legally does not give weight to protecting its children like it should. And so, it’s kind of appalling it…like jails are full of people from somewhat minor crimes.
Tonya: Nonviolent crimes.
Wendy: And someone who has abused a child has, like, got probation.
Tonya: It’s not considered important.
Wendy: It’s not.
Tonya: And I think that’s terrible because I think that if you talk to most people on a one-on-one level they are against child abuse.
Wendy: Right exactly. And so, our…this is where our – the legality and the system does not reflect well the values that people say that they have. So, either we don’t actually have the values where we value children, or the system needs to change to reflect that we value our children.
Tonya: The system needs to change to reflect the majority opinion. I think a lot of the problem is that around the world we still have a culturally elite group that controls most of the wealth and, unfortunately, there are sadistic people who enjoy molesting children and pay a lot for that. There’s a lot of terrible stories of survivors who, you know, it’s not uncommon to see Epsteins and Weinsteins and, you know, a lot of these other big name people that have been hiding. That’s why it still exists because some of the perpetrators are in positions of power to make the laws stay that way.
Wendy: Right, which, kind of, leads us to another question like, “Who’s in charge? Why are they in charge? How did they get to be in charge? You know, how did they get to have such an influence on our legal system?” And I think a lot of that has to do with money.
Tonya: It’s a type of classism, really. There are unfortunately people in that upper crust that see all the rest of us as a proletariat [lower class] still. You know, we are the serfs, and we are only good for what they need us for. In his book, Homo Deus Yuval, Noah Harari talks about how as time goes on and more of the technology is taking over, jobs like your little self-scan checker at the grocery, they’re going to be less and less jobs for people who are not academically gifted. You know, a lot of the labor type jobs, and clerking type jobs are going to be taken over by machines, and then what are these people going to do? You’re going to have these people who are unemployable, but still have life and value. And so, there’s kind of been…in his book he talks about the two main paths that in…you know, Europe is looking at the universal income path and giving everyone a base rate [Global Map where basic income has been tried]. And so then, you can work on top of that to have the extras, but you won’t starve, you won’t go without healthcare. The US and the UN have Committees[WK16] on Depopulation [Interactive map] [WK17] that is the other[WK18] angle.
Wendy: I had not heard…I have not heard about this.
Tonya: Oh well, again it’s all…Natives tend to be on track with anything, more so where they’re trying to eliminate you. Because having had that in our past we tend to…that’s one of the lenses that colors things it’s like, “OK So what are they really trying to do here?”
Wendy: Right. That’s interesting.
Tonya: I’ve actually posted several articles about it before on Facebook.
Wendy: Yeah, I know I’ve missed I’ve missed those, because I would’ve jumped all over reading those.
Tonya: Well, it’s a scary thought because I guess…I mean, if you truly believe that all life has value, especially human life, you see a lot of the Christian political groups talking about the value of human life, but in reality, are we really valuing human life or is it more about not aborting babies as far as the politicians are concerned, because you see the same politician OK he votes against abortion, but he cuts 80% of the funding on disabled children to me that’s a conflict of ethics there.
Wendy: Yeah, I saw something recently…that made me think of that. Let’s see if I saved it somewhere. It was kind of like that the unborn are convenient to…is convenient…
Tonya: Yes. Because, you know, they want the child born, but then they denigrate the mother because she might need welfare to help. And…
Wendy: Yeah, you know what I’m talking about…
Tonya: Yeah, just I guess to me a true pro-life stance is all life has value. We shouldn’t be cutting people off because they lack money, because we have more than enough money to feed everyone, and provide health care, it’s just that some people are greedy.
Wendy: Right? This is by pastor David Barnhardt who is it The Masters and PhD So: “The unborn are convenient people to advocate for they never make demands of you. They are morally uncomplicated, unlikely [to be] incarcerated, addicted, or chronically poor. They don’t resent your condensation [Condescension] or complain that you are not politically correct. Unlike widows they don’t ask you to question patriarchy, unlike orphans they don’t need money…” etc. and so forth. “It’s almost as if when you are born, they have died to you. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone.” When I saw that, I was like holy…there’s a little bit more to it. I’ve read some of the beginning and the end of it, but that, like, really struck me.
Tonya: That’s spot on.
Wendy: Right? I was like, “Oh, that’s going to…”
Tonya: Yeah, because that’s a big thing that you get. I’ve been an advocate for human rights, and Native American rights, for quite some time and you get a lot of that where people are like, “Well, you’re wanting payback. And you’re wanting this, and you’re wanting that.” Oh, wait a minute that was never part of my narrative.
Wendy: But why shouldn’t it be? I mean, we should talk[WK19] about it. You know, and I’m not saying that you should talk about it. I’m[WK20] saying that[WK21] , like, we, as a culture, and as a country, maybe we should think about that. We should talk about that. Like we did some…you know, we shy away, as a culture, from history, from saying, you know…
Tonya: The truth of history.
Tonya: The truth is everything is whitewashed to make it perfect.
Tonya: Yeah, now the history books say that they voluntarily went so that whites could have more land. Uh, no there was nothing voluntary about it.
Wendy: Of course, they “voluntarily” went. Oh my gosh.
Tonya: Voluntarily with guns at their backs.
Wendy: So, they didn’t get shot. Yeah, it takes…so for…the first thing that needs to be rectified, the first thing that needs to be corrected, is how we talk about it, and we need to talk about it truthfully.
Tonya: Exactly. And that’s one of the big points that we try to make, and everybody says, “Well get over it. It’s in the past, but what they don’t realize is, with generational trauma, it is not gone. And there are many things that still occur today that are rooted in the history of colonialism that were written into the laws. And they just haven’t been changed like many people don’t realize Native Americans could not legally use the Amber Alert until May 2019. [Emphasis Mine WK]
Wendy: Holy cow.
Tonya: Yeah, and you’re still having problems getting that law enforced in some of the western States. And I mean, for crying out loud, it’s just advertising a missing child.
Wendy: Hm. That’s…I’m speechless, which is rare, because I say a lot of things.
Tonya: There’s a lot of things like that with the laws, though, like the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women. Obviously kidnapping and sex trafficking are, you know, felony crimes. And so, when our girls are taken the tribal police have no jurisdiction over a felony occurring on the reservation. The FBI does. And the local police have no jurisdiction. So, you know, we’re getting 5000 to 6000 cases of missing and murdered indigenous every year, and the FBI can’t keep up on all that.
Wendy: They’ve got a field office guy.
Tonya: They don’t keep up on it.
Wendy: That one guy in the field office…
Tonya: Yeah, so we’ve had this bill that has, for five years, been sitting on Mitch McConnell’s desk and all it says is: “What if local law enforcement in the tribal police can work together so that we can start to investigate and find some of our missing people dead. It is terrible because, you know, I…I will pass around any missing person, child, adult, whatever, but what I find really sad is that 90% of the time, you know, when I go to check and see if the person still missing, if they are any race other than Native American, they’ve usually been found in the couple of hours or however long it’s been since whoever posted that.
Tonya: And with our missing kids that doesn’t happen because we don’t get the media attention. Many times, the only sharing that goes on is on Facebook and other media sites.
Wendy: I know that…
Tonya: And it’s just local people going out and looking.
Wendy: Ugh, that’s terrible to not have support to find a child.
Tonya: And it needs to change. And the good news is that, you know, I’ve been pushing it for a long time, and even had a few meltdowns on my page, where I’m like OK more people shared the two missing dog posts, I had than the 27 missing native children, and my friends were like, “Hey we’re not seeing these posts. Where are they?” I’m like, “They’re on my wall.” And so, I figured out it has to be something with the way the algorithms work on Facebook that were tagged as a Native post, as opposed to like a missing child, or missing person post. So, if people aren’t looking at native stuff, they never see our missing people.
Wendy: And also, if there’s not interaction. So, if people aren’t going through and commenting and sharing and doing that sort of thing…
Tonya: Yes, and that’s what I told people. Even if you just put “Prayers” on it, or something, every time you put something on there…and one of the things I used to always use the sad faces. Well, I’ve gone to using the care one because sad ones are less likely to be sent to other people to see.
Wendy: Right, okay.
Tonya: But you don’t want to “Love” that somebody’s missing. So, I was happy when the care came out and I’ve been trying to teach people, I mean like whatever I share, I try to reach out and put a care symbol when someone shares it to thank them for sharing it. Just little things that you get people to understand that doing those things, are things that help it to get more publicity and more shares.
Wendy: Mm, right.
Tonya: I haven’t had any luck figuring out who you talk to on Facebook to change the way they take.
Wendy: No, it’s the algorithms, so talking to the people who you want to be interacting with it, you know, hopefully coming on here, because this was not something…it’s something that I kind of realized. Oh yeah, sometimes, of course, seeing those makes me sad, and so I don’t want to interact with it. I want to run away from it.
Tonya: And then I’ve had people who say it’s bad, and I tell them “Yes, I understand. You know, I had 27 friends and relatives murdered in the year after Standing Rock [Emphasis mine WK] …
Wendy: Oh my god, I remember.
Tonya: …and it…it almost devastated me I was…I was…it…I can…you can’t explain it. And it really is one of my triggers…is when people have a flippant response about that, because it’s like, you know, you may be able to go to sleep at night not worrying about all of this, but I think about all those children and women. I pray for them every night. I do what I can to raise awareness. And uhm…. uh…sorry, I get emotional about it.
Wendy: No, don’t be sorry. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t…I didn’t want to cut off anything that you might want to say. There’s a Tribal school here, did you know that? Just not far from me, there’s a Tribal school here and, not this not this past January because that was just like 2 weeks ago, but the January before on New Year’s I went to the powwow, their New Year’s celebration, but one of the things that they brought awareness to the fact that there is still school near me that is using an indigenous name for their mascot, which I find appalling. But also, they did, they brought up the missing women and children.
Tonya: I think that the missing women and children is, in my opinion, one of the biggest problems we’re facing. I mean, there are several others but, you know, one in four Native American women will be violently murdered by a non-native. That is a fact, a statistic. If 25% of any other demographic was being murdered on a regular basis for many decades, I feel like something would have been done by now.[Emphasis Mine WK]
Wendy: Yeah, something should be being done.
Tonya: And I think that what we’re asking for in the law changes is reasonable unless somebody has tagged some omnibus thing on there. That’s another issue but
Tonya: Yeah, if omnibussing should be illegal. Anything on the bill should pertain directly to the bill.in some way.
Wendy: Yeah, people trying to sneak benefits back to their home state and clogging up the works instead of actually getting the work done. And I think, really, one of the other things is that we have the issues that are far reaching. We have this kind of turnover rate, and I would really love to see, kind of, long term committees that…that reach beyond…that reach beyond. Like rotate in…
Tonya: We used to have a whole committee that dealt with human trafficking but that’s one of those committees that we don’t have anymore.
Tonya: No, it was intentionally taken away.
Wendy: Wow. So, yeah there’s a lot of…there’s a lot of[WK24] …there’s a lot of work to do. And it, yeah, it’s…so, that bill that’s laying there on Mitch McConnell’s desk right now seems like it’s a thing that…that…
Tonya: It’s a very…I think it’s an important step. It’s by no means the only step but I think being able to have them investigated…
Tonya: …is a darn good start.
Wendy: There should definitely be a way…well, if they’re…if only the FBI can investigate it, then they actually need…then the FBI needs to be able to allot people to do the investigations. You can’t say that…
Tonya: The problem is priority-wise it’s low on the totem pole.
Wendy: What I’m saying is that if…if you’re not going to change it so that the local PD or Reservation people can investigate it, and you’re going to assign it to the FBI, the FBI needs to have the resources, and be able to prioritize it, to investigate it. Otherwise, assign it to someone else. Definitely assign it to someone who can investigate it and bring it to conclusion, and bring it to prosecution, so that people can stop feeling like it’s OK and that you can just get away with it if it’s native girl.
Wendy: Because that’s bullshit.
Tonya: Yes. (Silence) Oh, I know what I was going to say earlier when we were talking about the trafficking thing. The other thing that I see is a big change, is that for a long time these young girls were looked at as prostitutes instead of as victims. And it’s not to say that there may not be some who chose that lifestyle, but I think the vast majority of them are trafficked. And they are brought into it unwilling. You know, they…they’ve been having survivor stories shared on a lot of the MMIW sites, and, you know, these guys are tricky. And looking at these girls as victims instead of punishing them as sex offenders because if you’re taken and drugged and chained to a bed, what choice do you have about how many men rape you that night? And so, is she really a prostitute, or is she a victim of trafficking?
Tonya: And yes, some of them get beyond the chained part and they may have more freedoms, but that’s because they’ve been brainwashed and they’re afraid. And so, they, you know, there’s…there’s…it…I think that viewpoint, of not looking at them and being called you know whores or slut or what-have-you, that just adds to the victims’ trauma. Because for most of those girls that was not their choice, they did not have the option of saying no.
Wendy: Right. This is…
Tonya: And I think more needs to be done to recognize that the pimps[WK25] and the traffickers[WK26] should get greater punishment [WK27] because they are using these, you know, psychological and physical abuses to really trap these girls[WK28] in these kinds of situations, and are we helping them by making them feel worse about themselves when they already do?
Wendy: Mm. You know, a lot of people talk to me about things because, you know, I’ve been quite open about my past the people at least an individual basis for decades now, and, you know, people tell me things and one of…I can’t count exactly how many times someone has given me their “This is how I lost my virginity story,” and I’m like that… You were raped.
Wendy: What you just described to me was rape.
Wendy: And then that person, that girl, that woman has internalized that that was that was the day that she lost her virginity, and never processed it out as a rape.
Tonya: Yes, and I think a lot of that is because society has always kind of hush hushed: “Let it go.” “Don’t think about it.” I know that there was a case where I became friends with a family and was given a spiritual vision that helped me to see that one of the young…young males had been molested in the past. At the time, the person was in their early 20s, and this…it actually happened when they were about 5. And it was because the perpetrator had just moved back in, and I had sensed some strange energy between them, and prayed about it and was given this vision which, in the end, I found out was true. But it’s like everybody was upset that I had brought this to light and they’re like, “Well, why are you bringing this up?” You know, that’s in the past and you know the person confided to me that they did tell their grandmother when it happened, and the grandmother patted him on the back and said, “Well that’s OK it happened to me. It happened to your mom. This happens sometimes in families; you just don’t talk about it.”
Wendy: Oh no.
Tonya: And unfortunately to this very day that young individual still has a lot of problems with their own sexuality, with relationships, with trust issues, because they don’t want to go to counseling. They still have this stigma. They don’t want to…they just want to forget it. They don’t want to revisit the experience…
Tonya: …and deal with the trauma. And it’s like, but this is destroying your life today. And it needs to be dealt with.
Wendy: Yeah, I’ve had an extraordinary number of males who have talked to me about male sexual abuse, the sexual abuse of males. And it’s really more rampant, you know, because I’m open about it, right? And they are like…like, “How do you…how do you handle it? How do you get by? You know? How do you get by with it? Well, you know the only thing that I can…I mean, I look back and I don’t know. You know what I mean. I look back and I’m thinking well I said I…I remember telling one of my therapists who was saying, “How did you survive?” Because it was bad, Tonya. It was bad. And I was like, “Well, I wasn’t abused every minute.” And then, you know, I thought about it, because I was there in my counseling session, and you can’t just get away with a quip.
Tonya: Right, right.
Wendy: You’re not allowed to just say that.
Tonya: Dig a little deeper, baby.
Wendy: But uhm, I think I was outside a lot. I was in nature a lot. In addition to having been abused, I was neglected quite a bit. Which is in my favor, because I could just run the street, you know. I was just outside all the time.
Tonya: Nature is great therapy. I find nature healing.
Wendy: Unsupervised. I had the sun, and I had trees, and I, you know, communed with the little spiders that hung out on the playground. It was, yeah, lonely and stark. But you know, I had the sunshine just how it feels on your skin and, you know, on a summer day, you know, how the grass sounds as the wind goes through it. And the sky. And I mean these things were just…I could just breathe, and just be there. And those were like the treasures. They were the reasons to stay alive. And I suppose that for me I collected them. I collected those beautiful feelings and emotions, and they buffered me, to some degree, from…from not the effects of it because I have been dealing with the effects of it for decades, but at least it gave me some string from the past to the present, of positivity, to bring with me.
Tonya: Yes, it’s so hard as a child because you really have so little control over your physical circumstances.
Wendy: Right. Yeah, I mean you manipulate your situation as best you can…that’s like when I went to therapy that was why I went. That was the reason. The reason I went to therapy and I went in, and they were like, “Why did you come here today? And I said, “Well, I notice that my friends just asked for what they want, and people give it to them, and I find myself trying to manipulate the situation to be the way that I want to. And I want to be able to do the other thing.”
Tonya: Yeah. But you recognized that in yourself.
Wendy: Right, but there was no like…I didn’t go in there being like, “Well, I was horribly traumatized.”
Tony: I think sometimes we tend to gloss over our trauma and bury it under layers of whatnot.
Wendy: Right. Well, I don’t want to be manipulative. I’d like to be open and honest people like, you know, like my friends are, so that I can stop trying to finagle the situation to be the way that I want to. And I can just say, “Hey, you know, do you guys want to go to the bar?”
Wendy: Which you would think is something simple to say, but for me it was not. It’s kind of like…I don’t know, Maren was thinking about maybe going to the bar…Maren was on the show last time…Maren was thinking about maybe going to the bar, and mention it to someone else who might want to go, and they’re like, “That’s a good idea.” And the next thing you know, we’re all going to the bar but I never asked people to go to the bar. There’s no rejection there.
Tonya: Yeah, that is…yes.
Wendy: You see, there’s a way to manipulate…to manipulate by just making an observation. You make an observation to the right person, at the right time, in the right way, and that person arranges the thing that you want to have happened.
Tonya: So, it was a very passive aggressive sort of way of dealing with the world.
Wendy: Yeah, it was passive, it wasn’t aggressive. It wouldn’t have hurt my feelings or anything if they hadn’t gone. No one would have been punished, but definitely a passive way of interacting with the world because it was never OK for me to ask for the things that I needed.
Tonya: So, you never had moments where you got upset about it and, you may not have been aggressive to others, but I could see beating yourself up about it.
Wendy: Oh yeah, the aggressive…the aggression for me is always inter…internalized.
Tonya: Yes, because depression is anger turned inward.
Wendy: You know, I think about depression quite a bit in terms of stalled and stagnant anger. And I think as energy…as, you know you’re an empath, and I’m an energy worker that… a lot…for some people, a depressed state of being is frozen and stagnated anger. And I think that for extremely…and I’ve had other conversations with other people who have survived traumas that are just beyond description, really, who…
Tonya: That’s why I get so…yeah, I…I’ve heard the stories, too. And anytime you read books, or watch it on TV, it’s the PG version. If you’re going to be really, really horrible, but they never tell the whole truth. They never tell it, and I feel like sometimes people need to have how ugly it is shoved in their face to recognize what a problem it is.
Tonya: But nobody wants to hear that.
Wendy: Right. And then you take someone and you say, “It’s OK to be angry.” And you’re like, you have no idea. You can’t tell me it’s OK to be angry. And we were talking about this, me and this other lady we’re talking about this, is like we get to determine whether it’s OK for us to be angry. You are not safe, if I’m angry. You don’t want to be in the same room with me when I allow myself to touch this anger. And it’s not that we’re dangerous, it’s that we feel, you know, that’s how dangerous it feels to go there. Because you’re talking about the kind of trauma that would have extinguished your life, so your reaction to it is that you want to preserve your life. You will do anything, like if you were drowning you will do…swim as hard as you can…you know what I mean, like every survival skill, every survival system…
Tonya: The high adrenaline trauma.
Wendy: Yes, that’s what I’m saying the high adrenaline trauma every survival system that you have, your cortisol all is going to spike. You…your heart rate is going to go up. You are going to be ready to fight, to run, to destroy. And it’s going to be blind, because if your life is about to be extinguished, if your life is about to be extinguished you are not looking at what to preserve. You know, you don’t have judgment. Your judgment now has fled, right? And your only…only goal then is to survive. And so, I think there’s a lot of…I think that psychology and psychologists have a long way to go to understand that certain…certain safeguards have to be in place psychologically before the complex trauma survivor, and devastating trauma survivor, can access the anger that they feel about that. You can’t just be like, “Okay, today we’re doing anger.”
Wendy: There has to be some safeguards. There has to be some other work that has to be done, before you can access…
Tonya: I have done a lot of work on anger management, and it doesn’t work for everyone, but I like anger management through swordplay. I will get a nice big log and I…I have swords and large battleaxe type things. Some people use a hatchet. I like the big battleaxe, it just feels more satisfying. And you can chop that wood and picture whoever’s face, or whatever situation, and the fact that it requires physical labor (W: Yes!) helps. Because when you’re done, you’ve exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and you’ve been able to have an outlet for all of that that was as violent as you needed, and yet safe for others.
Wendy: Right. Exactly, I used to stack wood in Vermont, that was my thing. I’d stack wood because, you know, we’d have like 7 cords dumped down the shoot in the basement and you could stack for hours. And when I say stack, you know what I mean, throw it across the room into the stack. And here, in Milwaukee and in Findley, racquetball for me. Alone on the court with just music because once…once I got good enough that I could sustain a volley it gave me the focus. And it became meditative at some point. So, anything that was bothering me would come up like in meditation, but I’d have that physical [whaketta-whaketta] you know what I mean.
Wendy: And then I’d have the music going. And that’s just where I could get it out. And I think that makes it…comes to another point. It’s not like you can access being angry about having been traumatized one time, and then “Boom!” you’re good to go.
Tonya: Oh, no. I remember thinking I had dealt with all my anger issues and I had, you know, a good decade or so where I was very mellow, very Zen…and then Standing Rock happened. And it reminded me that I had not. I was not done with my anger.
Wendy: And I think this comes to some of the generational things because, I think, Standing Rock was a precursor to some of what we’re seeing now.
Tonya: Oh yes. Standing Rock was…was the trial run of how much force can the police use against unarmed citizens.
Wendy: Mm. I hadn’t thought about it that way, but…
Tonya: Well, you look at a lot of the techniques that they used there, and how…how often are they being used again, now? And which populations are they choosing a violent response versus those that they’re not.
Wendy: That’s definitely…yeah, has definitely become very clear. Yeah, there definitely has to be an accounting.
Tonya: Because, you know, when it comes to crime and punishment my thought is: you do the crime, you do the time. I don’t care who you are, how rich you are, whatever you know you’ve got to fess up and take the knocks you’ve…you’ve chosen, you know. I mean, you chose the crime therefore you deserve the punishment, but it should be fair and equal across the board.
Wendy: It should. It should be fair and equal across the board. It’s ridiculous that it’s not.
Tonya: In fact, isn’t that why so many Europeans came originally to the US was to get away from those kind of stacked systems? And here, we’ve fallen back into the same thing.
Wendy: Hm. There were a lot of different reasons. The strain of ultra-conservatism that we’re seeing now is directly related to how Europe pushed off some of their more extreme religious people by saying, you know, you can’t practice that religion like that here. Get on this boat and go to the Americas.
Wendy: And so, that’s imported. A lot of that is imported. And I think there’s a strain, similarly there’s a strain of imported religious conservatism in Australia, as well. It was convenient for Europe. So, you know, you’re…
Tonya: There’s a lot of similarities in the way the indigenous people…the Aborigines in Australia are treated and the Māori in New Zealand with what’s happened to the Native Americans. One of the really neat things about Standing Rock was how indigenous people from all over the world, and that’s not all people of color. I mean the Sámi people are still indigenous, and they’re very white, yet they’re still facing the same problems. Being white isn’t saving them from the same kinds of prejudice.
Tonya: And so, it’s what, you know, I’ve always had this kind of question myself: “What is it about us that makes us so afraid of people that are different?”
Wendy: So, yeah, I wonder. I had…um, I saw somebody[WK29] ask a really good question, and it was to white people, it was like: “What are you doing to touch back to your tribal roots?” Isn’t that a good question?
Tonya: Well, you know, because a lot of people get interested in Native spirituality, and may have, you know, ancestral ties to Natives and my thought is: “Why don’t you look at, you know, your own people?” Because when you go back you know pre-crusade era, everybody had tribal indigenous people, and they all used feathers, and paint, and lived in a similar way. And there’s so many really neat Tribes that once existed throughout Europe that they could be drawing on. I don’t…I mean the cultural appropriation thing, I always, you know, you have to temper it to a certain extent. But maybe these people are wanting to reach back to their own tribal ancestry, and they’re finding the closest thing that they can, but unfortunately, a lot of the literature about Native American spirituality is rarely accurate. A joke among Natives that, you know, some white guy shows up and he wants to learn about our people and our spirituality, send him to the Heyoka because the Heyoka speaks backwards. So, if they say go talk to that person, and do this thing, what they really mean is don’t talk to this person, and don’t do that thing. And so, if you, kind of, look at it from that angle, you can see why most of the books written really aren’t accurate.
Wendy: Mm. That’s interesting. I think…well, there…so Celtic religions and, you know I’m…I don’t know because I was adopted, I don’t really know what my ancestry is, which makes it difficult to adopt any kind of thing. But I did do the National Geographic DNA testing when they had that out and so, you know, I’m a lot western European. I know you’re shocked. You’re surprised. (Laughter) And I have a great deal of Finnish in me as well. And then there’s like some small little place in the Ukraine like some little bitty gypsy tribe that’s connected to Finland that I am genetically related to.
Wendy: Yeah, it’s weird.
Tonya: So, I’ve actually…I went to Scotland. I have relatives that moved there from Jamaica and I…when I went over to visit, I actually got to go up in the Highlands and meet some of the Celtic tribal people and you know we got along great. You know their clans are pretty much like our clans, and you know the red deer was one of their highly respected animals and I was given a piece of red deer antler as a gift. And I mean, it was just it was really, really neat that we were able to connect on how many ways we’re similar. Which is actually what had initially got me looking at, you know, look at some of these other European tribes. And you know, when you look at like the…the Vikings who you know, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, you know they had a lot of cultural similarities to the natives, you know. In fact, they were among the first people who actually came to North America, but they just didn’t have a big war with us. You know, people got along. Nifty, okay, whatever. And you’ll find some traces of their blood in…in people, but it wasn’t it wasn’t like colonialism. They weren’t coming to take all the land and resources and enslave people.
Wendy: Right. So, in the United States here we see any kind of harkening into Celtic traditions, tribal Celtic traditions, and we label that Paganism.
Tonya: Oh yeah.
Wendy: So, you know, it makes it difficult for people to explore. Whereas, you know, indigenous tribes… you see what I’m saying? So, some people try to sneak around having to deal with the issue that looks…like it’s OK to explore the tribal origins of your people…
Tonya: They have a very limited view of…
Wendy: …without threatening your Christianity.
Tonya: …their Creator. That’s the thing, they have a limited view of God. I always, what I always try to say, and it doesn’t always come across to them, is, you know, if God is omnipresent, meaning present everywhere, then don’t you think that you can find traces of that deep spiritual truth in all these things? You know the…the Dalai Lama wrote a great book in 2000 called Ethics for a New Millennium, where he espoused this concept of Interreligious harmony.
Tonya: And he went through all the major religious rules that are found in every major spiritual genre of collect…however you want to call them, groups. And that they exist in all those places, but then he excluded ethics and morality, and he just went through some basic simple facts that prove why that rule is good. I always use the example of the whole, you know, “Thou shall not commit adultery.” A lot of cultures value monogamy. Well, you know there’s diseases you can pass. There’s the loss of trust. So, you know, he went through listing reasons that had nothing to do with morality but were just, you know, these are the logical conclusions that occur when that happens. And so, for that reason you have less pain and suffering if you follow that. I mean there…there are polygamous cultures, and the Vikings were one where they…they didn’t view sex with other people as degrading a marriage but those…those cultures are few.
Wendy: Well, in Africa there was a…they didn’t consider themselves polygamous, they considered themselves married, but they had spouses in like every town along the trade routes[WK30] . And the reason that came to light was because, I want to say had something to do with the transmission[WK31] of sexually transmitted diseases…?
Wendy: And, they were wondering, like, so, if you’re saying that you’re only with your spouse, how have…
Tonya: But you have ten wives.
Wendy: …each in a different town. And so, I think that the…culturally, you know, the global view of sexuality, is not static. You know, is more unique [WK32] than we’d like to believe. And in different cultures it’s expressed in different ways. You know, in Saudi Arabia people were surprised to find out that there is like a 50[WK33] % divorce rate in Saudi Arabia. And I was surprised when I lived there to find out that they are in some Middle Eastern countries, I’m not sure which ones, there are such things as weekend marriages.
Tonya: OK. Basically, an excuse to do what you want to do that will be sanctified.
Wendy: So, this kind of…perhaps we need to think a little about what…you know, in Saudi Arabia, if you’re a male, you can have four wives, as long as they are…have equal accommodations. And so, when they do their buildings, and they plan their communities, there are quads of houses, and apartments. And it’s just interesting to me that…it’s interesting to me that we give rise to this…you know ancient Irish law had 7[WK34] levels of marriage including a trial year marriage. [WK35] Which I find really interesting. And I think that what we’re seeing…that what we see in our society is this romantic idealized one to one for the rest of your, you know, from the beginning of your romantic period to the end of your life, this one single great love. It fails to recognize, and our laws fail to reflect, and our culture fails to reflect that life is way more complicated than that. And it does happen for some people. They meet their sweetheart…
Tonya: Natives have different levels and types of marriage too.
Wendy: And so, those levels…like not being able to acknowledge these different levels and types of marriage from a legal standpoint allowed in Ireland for there to be fewer bastards, to be fewer unclaimed children. So that children would be able to claim right of property based on their…the status of the marriage.
Tonya: And their legitimacy.
Wendy: And their legitimacy, exactly my point. So, in these days, it’s like either or. You’re married or not married. You’re in wedlock, or out of wedlock. You know, and there’s no other thing. There’s no, like, yearlong trial marriage. How great would that be, for some people? Going back to some of the traumas, our cultural and societal traumas, people are not always ready at their first time falling in love. They don’t have the necessary skills, or healing, to navigate a lifelong relationship. A lot of times, these initial relationships, whether dating, or early marriages, are healing, very healing, for both people. They are learning how to be in a relationship that’s maybe healthier than the one that they observed growing up. But there’s this great big stigma, “Oh, you got divorced.” You know, and it’s kind of…well, it doesn’t mean that it was bad. That doesn’t mean that wasn’t where I needed to be at the time. It allowed me to learn and grow to be in the place where I am now, where…
Tonya: People change. Life changes.
Wendy: Right. And so, I think that a lot of this strictness, and this kind of repression and, you know, like we’re…culturally people are being oppressed, personally…on the personal level people are being repressed, you know, and that, you know, tribal laws, or tribal rules, and wild women and, like, rampant sexuality. God forbid people having sex and enjoying it. (Laughter)
Tonya: Well, my thought has always been any consensual act between adults is their business. The keywords being consensual and adult.
Wendy: Right. So, you know, I’ve got nothing against polygamy [I was thinking of polyamory here]. I mean, if people wanted be grownups and make arrangements that don’t make sense to other people, you know, be happy. Someone was telling me about a guy they knew who decided marriage wasn’t for him, but that he still, you know, he had all these relationships with women. And he was just going to go out like that. That was his life now. And he was kind of looking at me, and I’m like, “I’m not interested in your friend, man.”
Wendy: But, I mean, good for him.
Tonya: Yeah, I don’t know, if it’s your thing, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, do your thing.
Wendy: But the fact that our society doesn’t, you know…wants to legislating morality…
Tonya: Yes. That is a big problem. They forget freedom means allowing other people to do things you don’t agree with as long as they’re not harming another. [Emphasis mine WK]
Wendy: Right. And so, you know, balancing that kind of…understanding that somehow this global different values, and levels of marriages, and different ways that people are sexually active with other people, was not bound by this one-to-one sweetheart to grave thing. That’s a romantic[WK36] notion given rise culturally very recently, actually. And so, it’s not like we need to strip back like marriages, and this, that and the other, but think about how we legally set rules. Like we set rules at the hospital your immediate family can come and visit you. For someone like myself, I don’t want my parents, you know what I mean, like I wouldn’t want my immediate family [WK37] to come and visit me at the hospital. I would want my friends to come. So, why can’t I just have five people, slots for five people, come visit me at the hospital, and I can fill them in however I want, and it doesn’t matter how they may, or may not be, related to me.
Wendy: We need to rethink how we legally, and corporately, assign family.
Tonya: I…I have a number of Christian conservative patients and I remember when gay marriage was legalized, a lot of them were all up in arms about how it was destroying the sanctity of marriage, and so on and so forth, and one of the examples that I would use for them is someone in the ICU. You know, if your spouse is down in the ICU don’t you want to be able to go and see them? Well, they can’t go see their spouse unless they are married. And what about health insurance, you know, they can’t share health insurance. And, you know, trying to point out that there are benefits that you get from marriage, that it’s not fair to prevent these other people from having just because you personally don’t agree with their union.
Wendy: Right. Like don’t you…
Tonya: And what a lot of people forget is that they’ve become much more accepting of interracial marriage, but they still treat homosexual marriage like some kind of, you know, dirty word and why? Do you want to give it a different word? Do you want to give it, you know, legal partnership, whatever? They…the point is, people get certain benefits, and those benefits should be equally available across the board.
Tonya: And they were so busy stuck on their little concept, that it never even occurred to them to look at…there might be other reasons why these people seek validation of their partnership.
Wendy: Right. There’s a lot of good reasons. And I think that culturally, again I’m just going to say, that this idea that we can be in each other’s business, and say…you know, it’s kind of like moving into a neighborhood. Okay? Certain neighborhoods have housing agreements. And when you go into that neighborhood, they give you this list like now if you buy this house you belong to this Housing Association, and you have to agree not to put a shed. You know, you can’t build a treehouse. Your fence can only be six feet high. Whatever, right?
Wendy: And so, you sign that, and you agree to that. A lot of people believe that when the United States was set up, that Christianity got this…with this housing agreement like for the whole country based on these Christian values.
Tonya: But we have freedom of religion therefore…
Wendy: Right, but we have freedom of religion. It cannot be. It cannot be that. You see what I’m saying? So, they try to act like these…these things, like you can’t put your fence up six feet high, well that’s just a nuisance. If you didn’t sign the agreement…the housing agreement, you know, if you’re not a part of that Home Association[WK38] , you don’t have to worry about how high you put your fence up.
Wendy: It’s nobody’s business how high you put your fence up.
Tonya: Exactly. Which comes back to other issues that they like to complain about. But they can never see it from another person’s perspective. They see it only from their viewpoint.
Wendy: Right, and they don’t understand it that the drive to do these things, to restrict other people’s freedoms in this way, leads America, the United States of America right down the path to a theocracy. Which I do not think that we actually want to live in…a theocracy[WK39] .
Tonya: Freedom is a good thing, and like I said freedom means people can do whatever they want as long as they aren’t harming another person or damaging property, you know?
[WK1]Include this in Part two.
[WK2]The stories in this article are disturbing: how the law has prevented prosecution of crimes related to child marriage and domestic abuse – neatly fitting the survivor into a crack between the agencies which should have been able to help her. Really the law is supposed to reduce or prevent crimes.
[WK3]The United States signed, but is one of few countries not yet to have ratified, the Convention on the Rights of the Child in 1995, which sets a minimum age of marriage of 18. In 1980 the United States signed, but has not yet ratified, the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) in 1981, which obligates states to ensure free and full consent to marriage.
[WK4]Child brides are also more likely to face sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.29
[WK5]“Your husband can report you as a runaway because you’re under 18. You’ll be brought back to his house,” said Fairbanks, now 40.
Child brides typically cannot get divorced because they are underage, many women’s shelters will not take anyone under 18 and landlords will not rent to minors, she said.
[WK6]In this vein, most jurisdictions have abandoned the single age of consent approach28 in favor of age-gap reforms, which eliminate strict liability for certain degrees of sexual contact between minors within certain specified age differentials.29 This approach attempts to leave space for normal adolescent sexuality and some degree of sexual autonomy and privacy, while also safeguarding against age-disparity-based power imbalances that may impact young people as they navigate their sexual development.30
- [WK7]At any given time in 2016, an estimated 40.3 million people are in modern slavery, including 24.9 million in forced labour and 15.4 million in forced marriage.
- It means there are 5.4 victims of modern slavery for every 1,000 people in the world.
- 1 in 4 victims of modern slavery are children.
- Out of the 24.9 million people trapped in forced labour, 16 million people are exploited in the private sector such as domestic work, construction or agriculture; 4.8 million persons in forced sexual exploitation, and 4 million persons in forced labour imposed by state authorities.
- Women and girls are disproportionately affected by forced labour, accounting for 99% of victims in the commercial sex industry, and 58% in other sectors
Source: Global Estimates of Modern Slavery: Forced Labour and Forced Marriage , Geneva, September 2017.
[WK9]Named in memory of Jessica Lunsford, who was abducted and sexually assaulted before being brutally murdered, “Jessica’s Law” refers to the Jessica Lunsford Act passed in Florida which mandates a minimum sentence of 25 years and a maximum of life in prison for first-time child sex offenders.
[WK10]Society has a low tolerance of sex offenders, specifically pedophiles, in light of reports of high recidivism rates among offenders. “[O]ne study found that 10 [%] of child molesters offend again within 4 to 5 years, and other studies have found that recidivism rates grow higher when the time span is extended.”72 Some studies place child molester recidivism rates between twenty-two and forty percent, while others suggest rates closer to fifty percent.73 Still, other studies place recidivism rates between sixty-five and ninety-five percent.74
[WK11]Victims have reported that they were reluctant to disclose their abuse for fear that their perpetrator would be incarcerated (Furniss, 1991; Russell, 1986; Summit, 1983) Widely recognized clinical explanations offered to account for the phenomenon of CSA victims protecting perpetrators include traumatic bonding (deYoung & Lowry, 1992; Furniss, 1991) and accommodation to abuse dynamics (Summit, 1983, 1992). In reference to the dynamics in incest, deYoung and Lowry (1992) define traumatic bonding as “the evolution of emotional dependency between two persons of unequal power — an adult and a child, within a relationship characterized by periodic sexual abuse. The nature of this bond is distinguished by feelings of intense attachment, cognitive distortions, and behavioral strategies of both individuals that paradoxically strengthen and maintain the bond” (p. 167). Furniss (1991) has cited parallels between the victim–perpetrator relationship in cases of incest and the bizarre attachments that develop in some hostage–captor type situations. He notes that there is a “pseudonor mal” interactional pattern between victims and perpetrators in which “… the camp guard and the terrorist are not only people who threaten life and integrity. They are at the time the perverted provider of life, maintenance and external care, and even of positive emotional attention” (Furniss, 1991, p. 30). Given these dynamics, “A primary punitive approach towards abusers is therefore a strong external factor for children to maintain secrecy and not to disclose” (Furniss, 1991, p. 24).
[WK12]When one considers that a high proportion of child rapists are fathers, stepfathers, or other close relatives of their victims,  capital child rape statutes can be viewed, in some sense, as a form of resistance against intrafamilial violence
[WK13]132 See, e.g., HOWARD N. SNYDER, U.S. DEP’T OF JUSTICE, BUREAU OF JUSTICE STATISTICS, SEXUAL ASSAULT OF YOUNG CHILDREN AS REPORTED TO LAW ENFORCEMENT: VICTIM, INCIDENT, AND OFFENDER CHARACTERISTICS 10 (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf. The Department of Justice reports that in over 34% of reported cases of juvenile sexual assault, the perpetrator was a family member. That number jumps to 42.4% if the child is between the ages six and eleven, and 48.6% when the child is between birth and five years of age. It is important to note that these are just cases reported to law enforcement-most sex crimes, especially those within families, go unreported. See Maggie Bruck et al., Reliability and Credibility of Young Children’s Reports: From Research to Policy and Practice, in CHILDREN AND THE LAW: THE ESSENTIAL READINGS 87, 89 (Ray Bull ed., 2001).
[WK14]“Survivors of Stockholm syndrome have three doors to pass through to freedom. The first is the door of distorted reality. They must push through a false sense of love. Then, they must pass through the door of terror that is represented by the potential annihilation at the hands of their abuser. Finally, they must pass through the door of faith and trust that there is a better world waiting for them. I’ve witnessed success in these transitions time and time again so I know it’s an attainable goal.”
[WK15]Death penalty for rape has historically been implemented in a racially discriminatory manner in the USA: “Historically, the use of the death penalty for rape has been a Southern phenomenon that has been applied overwhelmingly against black defendants, and overwhelmingly in cases involving charges of raping a white woman or child. DPIC is not aware of any case in the United States in which a white man has been executed for raping, but not killing, a black woman or child.”
[WK16]26.5. United Nations organizations and other international development and finance organizations and Governments should, drawing on the active participation of indigenous people and their communities, as appropriate, take the following measures, inter alia, to incorporate their values, views and knowledge, including the unique contribution of indigenous women, in resource management and other policies and programmes that may affect them:
[WK17]Of all the ways in which depopulation affects regions, many of the clearest challenges are oriented around transport. A recent book, co-edited with Eveline van Leeuwen and Antonio Paez, demonstrates that accessibility is a massive concern, as it brings together issues of funding, policy, vulnerability, and equity. For example, as regions and cities empty, the spatial mismatch between people and jobs may increase, particularly for vulnerable groups.
[WK18]The 2030 Agenda, however, also involves serious risks for indigenous peoples, such as clean energy projects that encroach on their lands and territories. To avoid negative impacts, the implementation of the Sustainable Development Goals needs to take place in conformity with the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples
[WK19]“Under those trust agreements, the U.S. government must make sure tribes receive “just compensation” for the use of their land or resources. “The government bought the land from Indians, but it didn’t pay the Indians,” says Melody McCoy, a staff attorney with the Native American Rights Fund who has spent 20 years handling lawsuits against the federal government over alleged trust mismanagement and underpayment.” 2016
[WK20]“…non-Native people of color in the U.S have suffered from colonialism and imperialism, and have also been brought into the settler-colonial project that is the United States. As a community that is vastly majority settlers, we have a responsibility to center and work in solidarity with Native folks.”
[WK21]“The deal follows a class-action lawsuit, filed in 1996, which accused the U.S. Department of the Interior of failing to account for and provide revenue from a trust fund representing the value of Indian assets managed by the government.” 2012 Emphasis Mine
[WK22]“While scholars of Native American history understand, for example, the importance of treaty agreements with the United States (though there are often disagreements in interpretation), this knowledge is not reaching the general population, so the public is ill-equipped to understand the treaties to which its own government is obligated.” Emphasis mine
[WK23]No omnibuses were found on the bill. The timeline for two bills related to MMIW is previously linked earlier in this transcript.
[WK24]I am gobsmacked here.
[WK25]“…in most states, pimping and pandering are typically classified as felonies. Committing these crimes may subject the violator to over a decade of jail time and tens of thousands of dollars in monetary punishment, depending on applicable state law and whether the sex worker involved was a minor.” Emphasis mine
[WK26]“The penalties for human trafficking are severe. A conviction for holding a person in peonage carries potential fines and a maximum prison term of 20 years in a federal prison. If a death results or the violation included kidnapping, sexual abuse, or other aggravating factors, the maximum punishment increases to life imprisonment.
Sex trafficking of children, or by fraud, force, or coercion carry enhanced penalties. Prison sentences for these offenses carry a potential life sentence and a minimum of 10 years in prison (or more, depending on the details of the offense and the victim).”
[WK27]“The statutory punishment for felony pimping is three years minimum in state prison, four years mid-term and six years maximum as long as the prostitute at issue is sixteen years old or older. There also can be court fines of up to $10,000. If the prostitute is under sixteen years old, the minimum punishment is three years, the mid-term punishment is six years and the maximum is eight years. Sentencing enhancements can apply to make the sentence even longer, i.e. if the use of a firearm was involved.” Emphasis mine
[WK28]The choice to continue (see above comments) to refer to underage survivors of human trafficking, sex trafficking, and forced/coerced prostitution as “Sex workers” and “Prostitutes” does nothing to remedy the fact that these underage girls, who are legally unable to consent to sex, are being exploited and abused by their traffickers and then by the system. Words matter. Word choice reflects thinking patterns. If the thinking is incorrect, then the actions that follow will be incorrect. The frame of reference will be erroneous, and harm to people (Children!) will follow, especially in crisis situations. Multiple studies (I couldn’t find the studies – have linked to relevant reference material) have borne this out – that words used to describe potential criminals (subjects versus suspects) inject, as well as reflect, bias into fact finding and interviews. This bias will be injected into the treatment of young girls rescued from sex trafficking from the first moment of contact with authorities, and expose them to mistreatment, further abuse, and mishandling of their situations if not addressed.
[WK29]I was not able to find my source for this question. Either the question had been removed from the page, or I misremembered where I saw it.
[WK30]“Specifically, she stressed the importance of these dynamics, which have led to a proliferation of “accepted” extramarital sex amongst husbands migrating to the cities for work, in understanding why it can be difficult for wives to protect themselves from HIV. “
[WK31]“These are, for example, resistance to the use of condoms as a result of specific sexual and cultural norms and values; social norms which allow or promote high numbers of sexual partners especially among men; the phenomenon of an extended family household structure; preference for a male child (son); the practices of polygamy; the bride price; wife inheritance (levirate), the prevalence of superstition, and adherence to the culture of silence.”
[WK32]“Polygyny was accepted or even preferred in three/fourths of preindustrial traditional societies, though it was seldom practiced by the commoners or lower classes.”
[WK33]Current rate is about 36%. I couldn’t find accurate statistics for the years I lived there.
[WK34]Actually 9 or another source claims 10
[WK35]“In Scotland, handfasting was a Celtic tradition, that was most often considered a probationary period of a marriage or a ‘temporary marriage’; though by Scottish law, provided that the declaration of a couples love to each other was in the presence of two other adult witnesses, it was legally binding too; though many still chose a religious ceremony to ‘confirm’ their marriage.”
[WK36]Disclaimer: I’m terribly romantic, in spite of considering that not everyone is or wants to be.
[WK37]Referring to family of origin. I would absolutely want my current immediate family (my kids) to come visit me in the hospital.
[WK38]I absolutely compare being a Christian in America to belonging to a Home Association, and not following Christianity in the United States to living in a free neighborhood without additional restrictive measures.
[WK39]Therefore, the two forms of government can coexist with modification, but a true democracy could not be a theocracy.