Dig Out

Push aside the rubble

Of that collapsed life

How it crumbled down around you

Buried you under all you could not do

The beams across your legs

Fallen structures in your mind

All the expectations that they told you

Held treasured happiness unkind

Crawl away from every moment

Tangled ankles tightly wound

The edifice of other’s imperfect ideation

Of a life of satisfaction

Would not stand firm around the fire in your soul

You burned it down

Smoldering and crumbled

From the ashes you have rumbled

To wander and to search now

For something ethereal and true

Far out of reach

Not well defined

Balanced on the wire

Of uncertainty and exploration

Through mists of dreams anticipation

Don’t look back

Don’t look down

Each step takes your full concentration

Until you reach new ground

Blaze the trail through mystery

Among the trees of wisdom

Revive your spirit

Drink deeply from the clear calm lake

Of peaceful contemplation

You were meant to wonder

Your were meant to question

You are here to redefine

You are here to realign

Leave the ruins there

To be covered by the vines

Let the past be fallow

Plant your dream into the wind

All your intentions changing patterns

Circle thrice and say the words

Singing chanting writing

The world is waiting for your voice

For your stepping into power

Dance the dance that’s dancing

The music of your life

Something greater than yourself

Is emerging

Calling you away from strife

One more step and you can fly now

One more turn and you will soar

The wings that you’ve been growing

Snapping open

Stretching wide

Fly up with me, my friend

We meet again outside of time

We meet again outside of time

light landscape nature water
Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

Imperfect Love

My heart loves perfectly

Wholly

Without terms and conditions

My heart is caged

Trapped

Within me

By mind and ego and scars

The past warps expressions

In the rush to emote

I trip over words

Phrased poorly

I am tactless

The worse it goes

The worse I make it

Stumbling and desperate

To give and share the perfect love I feel

The more I try

The more I fall

Stumbling over broken shards of truth

This healing is too hard, I cry

I squash the ego with humiliation

I’m sorry, I say

I’m sorry I’m broken

I’m sorry I wasn’t healed enough

I’m sorry I survived this way

I couldn’t find another way to make it

I couldn’t find a different way to live than this one

I contorted

To be loved

To be understood

I try to be what you need and what you want

Yet in the end I am just this

Mess of partially healed

Partially wounded

Partially wise

Partially healing

Partially damaged

Partially processed

Parts

I am a stew of emotions

I am a bird in flight in the rain

I am the limping wolf

The deer tangled in barbed wire

My heart is caught and wild and pure

If I knew how I would be only peace

If I knew how my words would only soothe

If I knew how my actions would only heal

If I knew how to be invincible

I would cease panicking

Stop suffering

End doubt

Even rocks are not invincible

The world itself suffers

All of life is a blend of love and pain

Light and shadow

I am a layered painting

I am a song of dissonance and harmony

And so are you

And so are you

Loving imperfectly like me

Being imperfectly loved like me

We muddle through it

Wading through this life

Knee deep in mystery

Bog sucking boots

Trying to find dry land again

We slog through the difficulties

Until we’re safe on the forest path

Filtered sunlight and dry trails

Our love growing more confident

Skewed a little more to perfect

A little further way from pained

And we walk joyous together

In the welcoming woods

Therein Lies the Answer

What truth slipt past your lips

Sneaking through those sharpened teeth

Each pointed and enameled edge

Honed on rough deceit

Filed and buffed and packaged

For glittering reception

But the one spot that was missed

That unanticipated view

Crept through the gap of logic

Which exposèd you

Pencils, Ink, and Pencils: Something Like A Story

Feverish, I had walked through the heat

Antibiotics to fight the battle within me

Waited for me at a counter

I had never been there

And walked passed the stairs

What kind of drugstore has an upstairs

The security person redirected me

I got my medicine and looked around

Finding readers

I took them downstairs with me

After looking to see in every corner

What I might need in the future

It’s within walking distance

Easy to get to

Easy to pass by there coming or going

From the campus, the park, the wherever

Security guy approached

You don’t want to buy those here

He said as I looked at the set of colored pencils

In a back corner

I worked security and loss prevention

I know what he’s thinking

It’s the middle of the work day

I have a visible tattoo and wild hair

And a feverish sheen

From the fever

I’m in a back corner holding a paper bag

With my prescription in it

And readers he thinks I can’t afford

After having moved swiftly through

Every high value (and low value) area

Of the store

He gently takes them from my hand

The readers

I walk with him away from the colored pencils

He is a hero saving the store from theft

In his mind

And he has in reality thwarted the sale of both the readers

And the colored pencils

I let him play out his story

“I thought they were like just $3.”

I tell him

I’m feverish, but not above a little fun

We walk back upstairs where he shows me

The prices

“I must have been looking at the strength and thought

it was the cost”

I tell him

Go to another store, he names a competitor

You can get them there for less

I wonder if his managers know he is throwing sales away

He will tell them he prevented theft

I leave frustrated with no readers

Which I need if I’m to go swimming with one of my friends

And wear my contacts

No colored pencils to shade in my drawings

Full of regret and longing but needing to rest

And take my medicine and cool off

My roommate dropped by there a few days later

What did you need here? she texted

I tell her where the colored pencils are in the store

She brings home a 3-pack of readers too

Because we both need them at times

My fever is gone

The pencils are treasured now

And that guy, he may never know

How close he was to something wonderful

Someone valuable

He may never know that things are not always

What they seem

That sometimes we need readers

To see clearly

Sooner rather than later

Even if the cost is a little more

Graphite pencil, ink, and colored pencils from the drugstore

Best Friends

There’s the surface, and then the truth

Skipping rocks on water

With the daughter of my parents’ friends

Vacations

Celebrations

Backyard Barbecues

Barbies sprinklers

Long walks

Swimming and bike rides to nowhere

Superficial

Convenient

Allowed

We were best friends because there was no

Other words to describe a dynamic

For the most part

Beyond our control

She would not show up for me

And there’s the truth then

Of how I grew up

With with unnamed group of friends

Who did show up for me

Regularly

Three guys on BMX bikes

My true best friend, in retrospect

Always in the midst of the others

Or by himself

I still see you

Days full of skateboards

Basketball

BMX tricks

Blaring the music as the balls bounced

And the wheels rolled

Doorbell ringing with the group asking me

“Can you play, there’s a pick up game at the courts?”

My game was solid

Daily shooting

Free throw

3-pointer

Half court

Layup

I’m on my way

We couldn’t say

Back then

With so much skin in the game

That we were best friends

We never had to say it

This was written on the court

Written in the music

Written on the pavement

Written in skinned knees

Written on scraped shoulders

Written on wheelies

Written on sweet passes

Scored on backboards

Written into the sum of who I was

The acceptance of the group

The truth of it

Under the surface

Those guys saved me over and over

When they showed up

And showed up

And showed up

Swish

Bowed Arrows

Shafts of light unbranched

Fledged from heart and mind

Notched against time’s quivering string

Piercing darkened veils of night

Cold crystal truth released

Aloft and straight in flight

Love glides through past

And present plights

In a moment sundering

Generations hold

Cauterized with blazing ice

A new future to unfold

Direct from me to We

Hope for all beholden

silhouette of wind vane
Photo by Mat Brown on Pexels.com

Encompass Me

If I am drowning in you

Let me not breathe air again

If you are darkness

Keep all light from me

If you are light

May shade never find me

If you are beauty

Let all that is not beautiful be repelled

If you are truth

Can deceit not wither and die at last

Encompass me

My breath

My heart

My spirit

My love

I within you

You within me

Home, indestructible

This is love then

This unity of spirit

The light breeze on bare skin

A wonder shining in eyes contemplating of heaven

Feet ground into mud

Beings of fire, earth, water, air

Flames have no edges

We burn together in a cosmic votive

Cardamom scent rising

As I encompass you

Encompass me