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Imperfect Love

My heart loves perfectly

Wholly

Without terms and conditions

My heart is caged

Trapped

Within me

By mind and ego and scars

The past warps expressions

In the rush to emote

I trip over words

Phrased poorly

I am tactless

The worse it goes

The worse I make it

Stumbling and desperate

To give and share the perfect love I feel

The more I try

The more I fall

Stumbling over broken shards of truth

This healing is too hard, I cry

I squash the ego with humiliation

I’m sorry, I say

I’m sorry I’m broken

I’m sorry I wasn’t healed enough

I’m sorry I survived this way

I couldn’t find another way to make it

I couldn’t find a different way to live than this one

I contorted

To be loved

To be understood

I try to be what you need and what you want

Yet in the end I am just this

Mess of partially healed

Partially wounded

Partially wise

Partially healing

Partially damaged

Partially processed

Parts

I am a stew of emotions

I am a bird in flight in the rain

I am the limping wolf

The deer tangled in barbed wire

My heart is caught and wild and pure

If I knew how I would be only peace

If I knew how my words would only soothe

If I knew how my actions would only heal

If I knew how to be invincible

I would cease panicking

Stop suffering

End doubt

Even rocks are not invincible

The world itself suffers

All of life is a blend of love and pain

Light and shadow

I am a layered painting

I am a song of dissonance and harmony

And so are you

And so are you

Loving imperfectly like me

Being imperfectly loved like me

We muddle through it

Wading through this life

Knee deep in mystery

Bog sucking boots

Trying to find dry land again

We slog through the difficulties

Until we’re safe on the forest path

Filtered sunlight and dry trails

Our love growing more confident

Skewed a little more to perfect

A little further way from pained

And we walk joyous together

In the welcoming woods

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Keep Warm

There is the cold void of space

Expanding through your heart

Temperatures dropping

Daily

Every slight, every ding, every pain

We numb and withdraw

Our sap dropping from limbs to root

Our leaves fall beautiful

Into piles of decay

How to continue

Why go on

When it hurts

Grief overtaking

And spring is so far away

Don’t stay there in the heart of winter

Rest and repair and rise again

Capture each ray of sunshine

Be soothed by the songs of the birds

Revel in the blue, blue sky

Wrap the grey clouds around you

Sprout

Grow

Fly

The heart of summer is always within you

A blooming meadow

Paradise of butterflies and bumblebees

Keep warm

With the kind word of a friend

Laughter

A good book

Keep warm deep into the restless night

Keep warm kindled sparks in reserve

Until you become the star

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Would You Know

A smile so bright

The haunting in the eyes shrouded

Would you wonder what hell she lived through

And to be able to shine

Still

All around us

Untold stories of survival

We pass by

We judge and look askew

Darting sharp glances

In ignorance

I listened to a voice dismissed by others

My blood ran cold

And when I got home

I wept

And she had thanked me for being kind

And had smiled

If you pass her on the street

You wouldn’t know

How she burned in the flames

Of hell

And rose again to shine

woman turning around on green fields
Photo by Jackson David on Pexels.com
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Lyrics to Patchwork Blue Songs are Now Posted

Patchwork Blue has been variously described as a smoldering fire (I am assured this is a good thing), Avant Garde, Soundtrack music, and as defying expectations (some people liked this, and some did not).

This collaborative album I did with my friend, Rosalie, was born out of free form improvisation with jazz and Blues influences. The album is out on major digital markets. There are 10 songs on the album, 2 are instrumentals.

We had a request for the lyrics, and so I’ve posted them, and thought you-all might like to read them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Survival is a form of Improvisation.

Also, I posted this new work on SoundCloud. It’s a sad, gloomy, and makes you wonder why I’m still breathing kind of song, but it captures that moment when I quite seriously felt that my existence here is just plodding on to the end, because what else am I going to do? Some losses can feel like that…but that feeling lifts eventually, maybe showing up in waves, each time a little less severe, a little less sad, a little less lonely. And if you’ve lost someone, and grieve so deeply, I’m sorry.

Grief is a difficult companion, but no one walks without it unless they cannot love. So, you loved well, and will heal in time, building the strength to carry it.

I took this song off of SoundCloud to rework it. So this is a dead link: