Pinnacle

It’s a trope, you know

The aging man with the bad mustache

Looking back at the height of life

Throwing pigskins to a cheering crowd

Just before the homecoming dance

I am he grasping back to a wild success

that failed

Failed to hold due to forces beyond my control

All the forces are beyond me

I like to think I am self determined

I like to think I have wherewithal

I like to think I can

Except on days I can’t

It’s too hard to dream anymore

Too hard to believe

Too hard to try

It’s too much sometimes

To even open up my eyes

It’s too difficult to see

Ambition runs right out of my veins

I am deflated

I am defeated

I haven’t heard the pistol

Nothing has begun

I can’t get to the starting line

I don’t really want to run

I amble back into the forest

To watch the sunshine through the leaves

I don’t want that to be the pinnacle

That can’t remain the top

Of all I have accomplished

I don’t really want to stop

My passions are more muted

The edges have been rounded

Smoothed down by time and tears

The fire burns more broadly

The fuel is hardwood not the soft

This flame is more longlasting

I still can reach the top

A slow climb

A steady step

Already I can feel the changes

A return of something wholesome

I make beauty every day

My gift is heart as much as skill

I don’t need to win a ribbon

I don’t want to be

Here I am still breathing

Love with every breath

I let the future do its thing

It does what it wants to anyway

I just do this thing before me

In that senseless, timeless way

Listening always to the heartcalls

That keep me going

Every day

brown and black cut away acoustic guitar
Photo by Jessica Lewis on Pexels.com

Desired

Unfettered from the past

We walk and run and play

Moving towards that which we desire

Love or success or contemplation

In stillness we gather

In movement we release

The spirit soars and crashes

Moods shift like a storm front

Hot and slow

Rainy and cool

We meet on the edge

Of brilliance and disaster

Taking and giving and taking

It will come around again and again and again

Indecision before deciding

Wretched agonizing and cool clear certitude

Don’t hold back

Don’t give in

Don’t be bad

Don’t do it again

We are run away horses

We are the windblown plains

We are the sky at dawn

We are the Milky Way

With the sky on fire

With the burning earth

We are turning over

We are turning in

We are rounding the corner

We are about to begin

All that we hoped to become

All that we longed to know

All that there is to accumulate

We let go and let go and let go

For in an instance

Eternal illumination struck sizzling

For an instant

We held all we desired in our hands

And let go

We let it go

To walk and run and play

Unfettered