Moved and Still Moving

I moved out and away

I am moving still

There’s an upcoming appointment with home

There’s a house

Itty Bitty

Teeny tiny it’s true

Where I will make a bed and

Have a little room

A place for a garden

A spot in the shade

It’s all underway

But there’s paths to cross until I get there

A hop and jump before then

A brief moment of time

A few things to accomplish

So this strange disarray of living and moving

Suitcase is packed

Organized chaos

I might be here and there

Rarely

Checking in briefly

Unpacking just prior

To repacking and shifting

I contract and expand

Like a heart beating surely

Like a heart beating truely

One more step or two

One after the next

To a small little place of my own

Ain’t life grand

Ghosts of Ghosts

It’s happened before

After moving

To see the hint of a friend from before

In a person I’m meeting for the first time

Just a ghost of a ghost

A common curve of the chin

Combined with a curiously familiar tilt of the head

It’s that guy’s eyes who remind my of a mentor

And that one’s shape of his head and how his teeth flash

When he laughs

Which whispers to me of another

It’s in a gesture reminiscent that she used

Which tells me a story of time long passed

Not for the first time have I wondered if the Universe

Ran out of templates

Cobbling together new people from bits of the old ones

We’re not snowflakes formed crystalline from moisture

In the frozen air

Unique

We are passed down and spliced and rearranged

Through the complex genetic shuffling

We are mirrors of each other

We are spirits grounded

We are expressions of something more than ourselves

And we are haunted

By ghosts of ghosts

Carefully knitting the past to the future

With present yarns

Unsettled

The great winnowing of possessions

Releasing the unnecessary

Shredding the past

Carefully boxing up the essential

Giving, giving, giving

Each load that goes

A bit more freedom gained

The road calls strongly

“Are you coming?

Are you on the way?”

Well, I’m going somewhere

Similar to a place I’ve been

Time adjacent

The stream has run the long course

The years have changed me

I will step into the water

Remembering the stream that was

And the young woman who grew there

I bring the world with me

All that I’ve seen since then

Molded by travel and children and joy

Reduced by loss and loneliness and pain

A life changing movement

A life changing moment

A new start

A fresh beginning

“I can be flexible”

I said

And made it so

“I don’t have the confidence for this”

I confided

And yet it arrived with that acknowledgement

Not the brash bravado I used to wear

A committed determination

All I can ask of myself today

Is to show up for this life

To risk, and to try

I am not alone in this

I am loved

I am loved truly and fiercely

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do”

There is room for me

In this world

That for so long I felt

Held no space for me

I will step into the water

And let it cool my feet

From the heat of travel

And rest a moment

As the sun filters down through the trees

Two Worlds

Then and now

A foot in the past, and a foot in the present

Straddling what went before

A bridge of doubt attached to this moment

Now and then

One foot in present as the other moves

Gamely toward the future

Here and there

One foot in this place as one crosses

Every potential to a new state

A new town

One step from where I came from

One step to where I go

Spinning from the stories of what might

Have beens and maybes

Holding what will be loosely

Unformed

Brimming with hope

Beaming with light

And it’s still one small trip to the

Grocery store

And where will I get boxes

And how will I pack up this little life

And leave behind

The comfort of not much

To reach forward to something

Undefined

A thousand decisions

And a giant leap

Across the chasm of uncertainty

I might fall through

I might fly

But I can’t stay here

Like this

When it’s time to go

I’m gone

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