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We Carry Nothing Now

How heavy it feels

This illusion

On days of greys and glooms

We say if onlys

And we say what thens

Wondering if there were more

Or less we could have done

Can we but stop time

Or go back

Or be different

The flowers would all be in bloom

The sun would shine

Our very souls would unravel

Into beams of starlight

We look forward lifting

Heaving the past with us

Dragging our mistakes behind us

Again again again

Piling new ones onto the old

If onlys

What thens

Why not ungrasp

The hold of fear

In realization of our light

Reduce the shadows

Become wild and free

Wind and ocean

Vast and unencumbered

Right now

Increased

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My Heart Left

How can I feel anything at all

No longer alive, but weeping still

Waterfalls become rivers in the cavern

Where my heart once beat

A silent ocean calm

Tranquil

Dark and cold

Buried under stone shaped like bones

There’s no rhythm to my blood

No spark or twinkle in my eye

Lack and more lack

Making room for art and song

A dirge for love lost

I buried hope under divine dreams

What a love did grow there

That ran off with my heart

How shall I live

Without my heart

Beating here in this cavernous chest

Each breath in a painful remembrance

Each exhale a soft let go

I sigh your name

Bid you once and twice

Return to me

My heart

Where love did blossom

Even in winter’s frozen landscape

A garden of hope

A spirit of joy and light

In the darkest days and longest nights

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Broken Dawns

How many mornings

Awoken by tears

How many nights

Kept up by fears

How many times Death

Knocked at the door

Running away before

I could get there

“Come back!”

“You missed!”

Suffering is too great at times

To want to bear another minute

How many broken dawns cracked

Before day’s growing light

How many rivers flowed into the sea

Salty sadness running running

To the sea

Drowning in the waves of grief

Weighted down by guilt and shame

Longing only for relief

For someone to say my name

With love

What ungrateful, resentful steps

I took shrugging through those days

Looking only at my toes

Counting all my woes

Seeing only foes

I fell so many times

Lying on my back

Sprawled across the cracks

Splintered sidewalks sprouting weeds

Blue sky above me

So many hands helping me to my feet

So much love poured in and I

Well shielded watched it pour away again

There drummed a drum in time

Outside of these convincing temporary

Temporal constraints

I became a broken dawn

Unbearably made of light

Painfully awakening to my own role

In my plights

How through each shade of morning

I arise

I arise

Every broken dawn

Through each shade of mourning

I arise

A broken dawn

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Pivotal

Right here in the now

Spinning

The turn may be sharp

Take care

An unforeseen development

A change of direction

The sudden introduction of

New information

A decision made which changes

The landscape

A heart opens in a dark place

Light streams out

Love blossoms like flowers in mid-summer

Listen closely

You can hear the thrum

Chance and change

Keep your eyes open

Wisdom close

The light will show you

Which way to go

It’s always love

Love

Which lights the path

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In This Quiet Moment

Ice fell and coated

Every surface of my world

The hush grew longer, deeper

I am isolate

Desolate

Alone

In this quiet moment

Here within this home

The lights are soft and gentle

The warmth is true and whole

My spirited lifted slowly

From the center of the room

Inhale exhale slowly

Calm and peace are found

My heart is opened further

My mind is weaving pictures

Of a life that could be mine

I await in this quiet moment

For the end of desolation

I let go of all impatience

I wait a moment longer

In the silence

Then begin my day

Intentionally intentioned

The quiet moment holding sway

cold melting snow dawn
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Sun Rise

Little flickering candle flame

I see you

Holding back the dark

I watch you grow

See how life tipped you over

Almost snuffing out that fragile flame

I see the spark catch as you become

A fire burning through the debris

Those before you left behind them

From this distance, I float

Enthralled as your slow burn

Raging and ebbing

Creeps across the wasted lands

Breaking open seeds long dormant

Waiting for the heat of your existence

They call you wild and run from your path

The world burns with your passion

The collision seems slow

Burning worlds you and her and him and them

Smashed together by happenstance

Igniting

Galactic conflagration

Burning star giving birth

To satellites

Meta-you becomes the center

Of the solar system

I watched the sun rise

Where a candle once burned

Small against encroaching darkness

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Watching the Sunset

I sit on hard stones

Feet dangling

Heels bumping, scraping

Soles finding purchase

At last

The sky mellowed in periwinkle

Above begins the descent

To meet me where I am

Without you

Here in the dark

In this cold

In this void

Faint flickering lights

Parsecs apart

An impossible distance

Against all reason

The fire within me

Answers the sudden flare

of orange in the heavens

I am flame and heat

Living light

I am whole and healed

Connected to

Every star burning

In this cosmos

Eternal

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I See You, Magnificent

I would tell you over and again

What I love about you

How the sparkle in your eyes lights up the world

How your big huge heart inspires me

How your dedication to the ones you love earns my respect

I would tell you once again

How your love for nature resonates through the wild woods

How your ability to overcome adversity with patience and hope brightens dark corners

How your insights and devotion to growth blaze trails in the minds around you

I would tell you once more

How your presence in this world is needed

How without you the world would be smaller, darker, colder

How without you the music would never play

The sun itself would dull

The clouds would never lift

And song itself would end

These are some of the ways I love you

How can I thank you for the joy you bring

For the light that shines through you

For the notes that become the melody

The harmony of this dissonant world

How can I thank you for staying

Who will tell you these things when I am gone

Listen to the whisper of the wind at dawn

To the ocean coming to shore

To the birds singing in the trees

Saying, “Thank you. I love you. I see you, magnificent.”

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Missing Nothing

I made room

Expanded

Fit love into sun filled mornings

Woodland walks

Midnight songs

Moonlit rambles

Between times so full

I never stopped

No need to stop

No lack therein

Nothing missing

Like water carving out the rock

Like earthquakes opening the ground

Like giving away things no longer used

I made room

Now I am open and not full

Of the light that used to shine

I turn under the silver moon

Slowly under a slivered shard

Of what had been robust and

Bright

To myself I am returned

Missing nothing

But that song

That shimmering glow

Just salty rivers running muddy

From these eyes down to the sea

I walk these sandy shores again

Under the stars

Just me

northern lights over mountain and forest
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