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Are You Full Yet?

Did you finally get enough of yourself

Your lies and denials

The bullshit excuses

Have you looked in the mirror

And said enough

Enough squirming away

Enough closing your eyes

Enough self defeating

Sabotage wielding

Ego bashing madness

Enough wild bravado

Enough always the best

Enough of perfection

And embraced what was left

Have you let yourself be

Wounded and vulnerable

Loving and loved

Mistaken and sometimes

Partly right

Have you opened to love

Without demanding it

Have you opened to joy

Without remanding it

Have you finally finally

Let go of judgment

Let compassion enter

Stage left

Swim a minute

In the lake of love

Float there and look at

The sky above

You’ve caught out

Human and flawed

Worthy of love

Even in the midst

Of your self doubt

No need for haters

Within

They will arrive by storm from

Without

No matter how good or perfect

Or reckless you become

So drift there, my love

In all your beautiful spirit

Love has got you

Coming and going

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One Day, I Wandered Away

I drifted off on a warm summer breeze

There were no good-byes or tears to cry

Like the turning of a page to a new chapter

A different place, a new life, a strange way of being

Above the roads and trees and lakes

Floating higher than the birds and planes

Gravity holds me down no longer

Pure spirit in the world beyond

Am I alive or light or energy

Am I you and me and all that is

All that could be

Every potential disaster

Every possibility of joy

I hear you speaking to my home

But I have gone away

I’ve grown

I’m the tree standing in the forest

I’m the placid calming lake

I am the tallest mountain

The fastest winding snake

You ask me if I heard you

That and one million sounds as well

The scraping of the seam against my shoulder

The sock against my ankle shouting

That fly around the ceiling light is buzzing

Light hits a dust mote like a drummer drumming

I know you

And your violent ways

I’ll come back when you are finished

And speak gently to each bruise

One day I’ll take my body with me

One day I wandered well away

One day I was through with you

You melted in the river

Dissolved into the sea

You’ll never cross my path again

On that day, I will be free

So long now, I’ve been free

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A Small Peace to Pay

I sat in meditation for hours or a day

Listening to my breath

My heartbeat

And the rest

The world did slide away

In darkness as I prayed

The prayers then fell aside

There was nowhere I could hide

In the empty stretching void

Feelings rose and feelings fell

I sat in meditation

Until I heard the bell

A resonation rising falling

An atonal silent calling

Loud in absence

Did I grow there in the forest

Of darkness silent

Is this realization

To know the breadth and depth

Of spirit

That giants walk among us

Dressed in common streetwear

No way to tell who’s who

Puff of smoke

I disappeared

The memory faded too

I walk the streets as small

As ever I used to

But for a moment I was grande

For an instant I was wise

Now I avoid my meditation

Sitting still and quiet

I take it with me when I walk

Doing dishes and the like

It’s a small peace to pay

Coins of wisdom falling

Into open palms

Trusting the right moment

The right word for to say

We are not alone here

Struggling with our tasks

Connected as we are to every life form

For help to come

We just must ask

I am not wise or wisdom bound

I seek only for the path

The next right thing to do before me

A clear step forward on the way

Holding lightly to this person

Who I’ve been and who I am

A small peace to pay

Centered in my heart

Dollars dropping dangers

Drifting on the breeze

The pains and joys of life

In and out just like the tides

Floating in this moment

Of crowded solitude

I walk the streets around here

Just as wise as you

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My Heart Left

How can I feel anything at all

No longer alive, but weeping still

Waterfalls become rivers in the cavern

Where my heart once beat

A silent ocean calm

Tranquil

Dark and cold

Buried under stone shaped like bones

There’s no rhythm to my blood

No spark or twinkle in my eye

Lack and more lack

Making room for art and song

A dirge for love lost

I buried hope under divine dreams

What a love did grow there

That ran off with my heart

How shall I live

Without my heart

Beating here in this cavernous chest

Each breath in a painful remembrance

Each exhale a soft let go

I sigh your name

Bid you once and twice

Return to me

My heart

Where love did blossom

Even in winter’s frozen landscape

A garden of hope

A spirit of joy and light

In the darkest days and longest nights

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Curving

It’s become a way of life

Changing direction

Fate is playing fickle

With my life

Destiny is peering closely

Moving the markers

Removing resources

Adding new elements

There’s no anger with the losses

A sorrow of losing what’s been

Left behind

There’s hope and renewal and optimism

Amidst the frustration and angst

If life settles again

Will I miss the adventures

The stories

The trouble

Someone must stir the pot

Of complacency

Blending the old with the new

The past with the now

No time for stewing

A long hard look at options

Decisive choosing

Another meal, another night

Another triumph, another fight

Struggle is always a part of this life

I weave in the joy

With a practiced maneuver

I’ve been on the mystery path

Not like this one at all

Full of unknown curves

Limited vision

And a pocketful of dreams

Listen

You can hear the changes

Tempo, keys, all laden

With a new song for a new day

Played in a new way

But for how long

Dancing to this beat now

Dancing to this beat now

For now for now for now

Let the future be there

When it arrives I won’t be ready

Even if I’m prepared

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Different Now

Subtle shades have fallen

In lavender and blues

The sky glows pink on that horizon

No clouds on furrowed brows

How crisp the winter morning grows

Subdued

I miss the waking joy I felt

I miss the anticipation

Dogged daily duties are just passing

Time

My spirit rises slowly

To meet another empty day

To greet and see the beauty

Still, it’s not the same

I fill up all the empty spaces

The quiet lasts too long

That part of me still pouting

Don’t want to love

Don’t want to move

Don’t want to stay

Don’t want to feel this way

Again

Drink a cup of coffee

Thinking of the ones who love me

Life abounds me

Love surrounds me

I know that joy is not essential

Joy will visit once again

Slogging through the morning

In its subtle shades of blue

My sighing breath a meditation

Of all the ways that I miss you

Born to love

Taught to give

Slowly learning how to let go

Slowly letting go

I show up ready every time

Open hearted

True

I let the healing taking its course

I let the difference be

I’ll get used to who I am now

This dawning light on me

I glow a little brighter now

A little larger

A little lighter

When my home appears

To welcome me

There will be no lingering

Regret

No lingering in the past

I watch the different ways

The light tastes

In lavender and blues

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I See You, Magnificent

I would tell you over and again

What I love about you

How the sparkle in your eyes lights up the world

How your big huge heart inspires me

How your dedication to the ones you love earns my respect

I would tell you once again

How your love for nature resonates through the wild woods

How your ability to overcome adversity with patience and hope brightens dark corners

How your insights and devotion to growth blaze trails in the minds around you

I would tell you once more

How your presence in this world is needed

How without you the world would be smaller, darker, colder

How without you the music would never play

The sun itself would dull

The clouds would never lift

And song itself would end

These are some of the ways I love you

How can I thank you for the joy you bring

For the light that shines through you

For the notes that become the melody

The harmony of this dissonant world

How can I thank you for staying

Who will tell you these things when I am gone

Listen to the whisper of the wind at dawn

To the ocean coming to shore

To the birds singing in the trees

Saying, “Thank you. I love you. I see you, magnificent.”

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Common

Unique and distinguished

We yet share

Woe and distress

Common shame and suffering

That in shadows full of dread

We feel them larger and unweildy

Stronger and unyielding

Then they appear once in the light

There are some, it’s true

Who feel not life’s great and awful sadness

Inexplicable angst

Isolated troubles

Suffering of spirit

When life’s gone all awry

Every step is wrong

Rolling on the floor in writhing agony

Alone and yet together

All this pain of life we weather

Hoping for an end

For some peace

For something better

For anything at all to lift us out of sorrow

From the sages to the pages

Sayings written once or twice

Hang on to love

Be open hearted

One more minute

One more hour

When subjected to the fires

Flames upon each wound

A subtle transformation

A phoenix rising plumed

Hold on to love

Keep going

Take your rest along the way

Remember this is common

Part of life to grieve this day

As the tide returns to shore

One wave after another

Joy will find you in the moonlight

Joy will find you in the dusk

Joy will wake you in the morning

Joy returns little by little

In that flower startled beauty

In the clouds suspended there

In the laughter of your loved ones

In the twilight somber falling

Common sorrow

Common beauty

Will find you there upon the sand

Unique and still distinguished

Healing slowly everywhere