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Freshly Brewed Excerpt (Poem)

Morning came again anyway

Headache

Buttons pressed

The making and unmaking

Without end

Fill the cup

Empty the cup

Tidy

Mess it all up

Repeat

Repeat

Repeat

Until the song stops hurting

And the aroma becomes pleasant

And each breath welcome again

Drink deeply then

Of life

~ Freshly Brewed Excerpt by Wendy Kheiry

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A Thousand Ways

I am still counting moments

A thousand ways the water sloshed the boat

A thousand ways the stars shone there above

A thousand reflections cast across the surface

A thousand moons shimmering in the night

I am savoring each connection

Every step upon the path

Every leaf upon the trees

Our canopy as we wandered

I am still counting moments

A thousand ways I felt understood

And seen

A thousand times I reached

To find you there

Beside me

Walking in this wildness

A mad world

A wilderness

With each new step I take

I count a thousand ways

The light within you shines

A beacon for my heart

Let my light rise too

Let my shine be bright enough

To help you find your way

If you are lost and hurting

Look for my starry sky

Look for the shining sun

Feel the gentle breeze

Warm and plucky

To tease the sorrows from your soul

Release the worries from your brow

For a moment here and now

Be safe and whole

Peaceful in a thousand ways

Know you are loved

A thousand ways

yellow flowers
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Album Release March 8!

Hi everyone,

Infection Trilogy will be released across major platforms on March 8, but you can listen to them early for free on SoundCloud.

Infection Trilogy is a primarily instrumental trio of tracks which, like a story, has a beginning middle, and end.

The virus that is thought, the contagion of dangerous lack of thought occurring right in the middle of a global viral pandemic. A lament for all that we’ve lost, Infection gives wordless voice to the griefs we share, and those too personal to express.

Unamended, Unmended is a haunting track of desolation, isolation, and is uncomfortably eerie. This track will blow fresh air into stagnant areas of the spirit. Keep going!

Darned Socks is multilevel play on words, as well as the resolution to the previous tracks. We do not have to stay where we are, or continue going the direction we’ve been going. We can circle around, backtrack, and revisit that which has not been resolved in ourselves, our communities, our states, our nation, and our world.

We grieve for that which we hope.

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To Step Between

We see grief approaching

A heart we love

Our friend

Our child

Our parent

Our neighbor

Helpless to prevent the collision

To step between

And take the blow

Wouldn’t you know

That it passes through

We feel the ricochet

And our heart hurts too

We can sit there only

In love and patience and wait

Being present

In grief as in love as in laughter

Life steam rolls everyone once

In a while

Devestating

Sadness

To step between worlds

Yours and ours

To step between griefs

To step between shores

Across an ocean engulphed

To step between body and spirit

Between mind and heart

To cross caverns and mountains and forests

Spanning generations and years and moments

Bridges of love

Slippery stones in the river

We love and we risk and some days we lose

Heart

Hoping in time we can make room

For more love and more light

And feel less the pains of this life

architectural architecture beautiful bloom
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Broken Dawns

How many mornings

Awoken by tears

How many nights

Kept up by fears

How many times Death

Knocked at the door

Running away before

I could get there

“Come back!”

“You missed!”

Suffering is too great at times

To want to bear another minute

How many broken dawns cracked

Before day’s growing light

How many rivers flowed into the sea

Salty sadness running running

To the sea

Drowning in the waves of grief

Weighted down by guilt and shame

Longing only for relief

For someone to say my name

With love

What ungrateful, resentful steps

I took shrugging through those days

Looking only at my toes

Counting all my woes

Seeing only foes

I fell so many times

Lying on my back

Sprawled across the cracks

Splintered sidewalks sprouting weeds

Blue sky above me

So many hands helping me to my feet

So much love poured in and I

Well shielded watched it pour away again

There drummed a drum in time

Outside of these convincing temporary

Temporal constraints

I became a broken dawn

Unbearably made of light

Painfully awakening to my own role

In my plights

How through each shade of morning

I arise

I arise

Every broken dawn

Through each shade of mourning

I arise

A broken dawn

red flower near white flower during daytime
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Missing Nothing

I made room

Expanded

Fit love into sun filled mornings

Woodland walks

Midnight songs

Moonlit rambles

Between times so full

I never stopped

No need to stop

No lack therein

Nothing missing

Like water carving out the rock

Like earthquakes opening the ground

Like giving away things no longer used

I made room

Now I am open and not full

Of the light that used to shine

I turn under the silver moon

Slowly under a slivered shard

Of what had been robust and

Bright

To myself I am returned

Missing nothing

But that song

That shimmering glow

Just salty rivers running muddy

From these eyes down to the sea

I walk these sandy shores again

Under the stars

Just me

northern lights over mountain and forest
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Keep Warm

There is the cold void of space

Expanding through your heart

Temperatures dropping

Daily

Every slight, every ding, every pain

We numb and withdraw

Our sap dropping from limbs to root

Our leaves fall beautiful

Into piles of decay

How to continue

Why go on

When it hurts

Grief overtaking

And spring is so far away

Don’t stay there in the heart of winter

Rest and repair and rise again

Capture each ray of sunshine

Be soothed by the songs of the birds

Revel in the blue, blue sky

Wrap the grey clouds around you

Sprout

Grow

Fly

The heart of summer is always within you

A blooming meadow

Paradise of butterflies and bumblebees

Keep warm

With the kind word of a friend

Laughter

A good book

Keep warm deep into the restless night

Keep warm kindled sparks in reserve

Until you become the star

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Whoa to the Woes

If we could just put a stop

To the breaking of hearts

The losses and pains that crush us

If we could bundle our hurts

And toss them away

What would we say then of love

That it would leave us untouched

Then it’d be no longer love

Anymore

We’d suffer the lack of compassion

And communion

There’d be no common ground to renew

If our loss left us the same as we

Were when we’d gained

It’d be no loss at all

Nor would there have been gain

Let love affect me

Let loss rearrange me

Let grief and my loves bring me pain

Let me grow larger in heart to make room

For new loves and new gain

And space for the loss to exist

Let these shadows add depth

And let meaning unfold

Let me risk this sweet heart

Once again

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Lyrics to Patchwork Blue Songs are Now Posted

Patchwork Blue has been variously described as a smoldering fire (I am assured this is a good thing), Avant Garde, Soundtrack music, and as defying expectations (some people liked this, and some did not).

This collaborative album I did with my friend, Rosalie, was born out of free form improvisation with jazz and Blues influences. The album is out on major digital markets. There are 10 songs on the album, 2 are instrumentals.

We had a request for the lyrics, and so I’ve posted them, and thought you-all might like to read them. ๐Ÿ™‚

Survival is a form of Improvisation.

Also, I posted this new work on SoundCloud. It’s a sad, gloomy, and makes you wonder why I’m still breathing kind of song, but it captures that moment when I quite seriously felt that my existence here is just plodding on to the end, because what else am I going to do? Some losses can feel like that…but that feeling lifts eventually, maybe showing up in waves, each time a little less severe, a little less sad, a little less lonely. And if you’ve lost someone, and grieve so deeply, I’m sorry.

Grief is a difficult companion, but no one walks without it unless they cannot love. So, you loved well, and will heal in time, building the strength to carry it.

I took this song off of SoundCloud to rework it. So this is a dead link:

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Buried Alive

There’s a moment of desperation

When it all goes awry

A breakneck pace of events

Wondering

Will you live or

Will you die

Inevitable

Of course

A chance encounter

Might brush one off the path

Without warning

And yet

That stark clarity

Ultraviolet black light

Superimposition

Wreath while waiting in between diagnostic tests

Adrenaline rush

Of an intruder within

One’s own body

Sacred

Terms of terror

Biopsy

Will you live or die

Heads or tails

And how does one prepare

To say those

Words to family and friends:

“I’ve been caught out with a fatal condition

(LIFE)

with no cure and no hope but for a painless end.”

~ diagnosed to die
Waiting with a wall quilt

And to feel like I’ve

Let them down

And failed somehow

To survive another chapter and that

The writer of my life

Has no mercy

Is killing the character

I had loved to hate and

Hated to love

The character I learned to

Cherish and value

And yet here we were

We were buying burial plots

And stitching a shroud

Of memories for the end

Images were taken of

My insides inside out

Technicians tears and mine

Were mingled in the doubt

This year spent shielded

From the virus

Only to be vaccinated

And find death sneaking

In a back door left

Unguarded

In the waiting room. It would be good news, but we didn’t know that yet

How death cheated I supposed

How apropos I figured

Because again I felt

That precious wonder in

Each breath

I want to live

I want to live

And all those images

Would say that

There’s a small suspicious spot

It’s early

No matter if the worst

Case comes to pass

You’ve got this and it

Feels just like

A second chance

Life is short, and we never know, really, how short it will be

My good friend went with me to the urgent care, and to the stat diagnostic appointment the next morning. The period between the initial visit and the test results were fraught with tension, grief, preparation, and panic. The nurse, doctors, technicians were all compassionate, caring, and made this process less isolating than it could have been. A later appointment with the surgeon confirmed a probable positive prognosis. There still may be a significant journey ahead, but my chances are good, and I am grateful for that.

In addition to that, I am making some big life changes – in the middle of moving back to a place a used to live. I’m shedding all of my possessions but what fits into two car loads. The rest I have been, and am still, giving away. What I bring back into my life will be carefully evaluated for usefulness and beauty and character.