A Small Peace to Pay

I sat in meditation for hours or a day

Listening to my breath

My heartbeat

And the rest

The world did slide away

In darkness as I prayed

The prayers then fell aside

There was nowhere I could hide

In the empty stretching void

Feelings rose and feelings fell

I sat in meditation

Until I heard the bell

A resonation rising falling

An atonal silent calling

Loud in absence

Did I grow there in the forest

Of darkness silent

Is this realization

To know the breadth and depth

Of spirit

That giants walk among us

Dressed in common streetwear

No way to tell who’s who

Puff of smoke

I disappeared

The memory faded too

I walk the streets as small

As ever I used to

But for a moment I was grande

For an instant I was wise

Now I avoid my meditation

Sitting still and quiet

I take it with me when I walk

Doing dishes and the like

It’s a small peace to pay

Coins of wisdom falling

Into open palms

Trusting the right moment

The right word for to say

We are not alone here

Struggling with our tasks

Connected as we are to every life form

For help to come

We just must ask

I am not wise or wisdom bound

I seek only for the path

The next right thing to do before me

A clear step forward on the way

Holding lightly to this person

Who I’ve been and who I am

A small peace to pay

Centered in my heart

Dollars dropping dangers

Drifting on the breeze

The pains and joys of life

In and out just like the tides

Floating in this moment

Of crowded solitude

I walk the streets around here

Just as wise as you

lighted candle
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A Thousand Ways

I am still counting moments

A thousand ways the water sloshed the boat

A thousand ways the stars shone there above

A thousand reflections cast across the surface

A thousand moons shimmering in the night

I am savoring each connection

Every step upon the path

Every leaf upon the trees

Our canopy as we wandered

I am still counting moments

A thousand ways I felt understood

And seen

A thousand times I reached

To find you there

Beside me

Walking in this wildness

A mad world

A wilderness

With each new step I take

I count a thousand ways

The light within you shines

A beacon for my heart

Let my light rise too

Let my shine be bright enough

To help you find your way

If you are lost and hurting

Look for my starry sky

Look for the shining sun

Feel the gentle breeze

Warm and plucky

To tease the sorrows from your soul

Release the worries from your brow

For a moment here and now

Be safe and whole

Peaceful in a thousand ways

Know you are loved

A thousand ways

yellow flowers
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Raining Hearts

Shadows overcasting

The sun cannot be seen

My heart is bright and singing

Watching the rain that’s falling

Music to my ears

Music in my veins

The rhythm sets my toes to tapping

There’s sparkles in my eyes

It’s raining hearts today

Smiles are all I see

Reflected in the faces that I meet

Reflected in the passing glance

Of my reflection

Dawn arrived with sunshine

I can feel behind the clouds

The rain will move along in time

The sky will be revealed

With upturned faces we can

Stand upon the earth

With sunlight we’ll be dreaming

Of some better days to come

women s gray dress
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Watching the Sunset

I sit on hard stones

Feet dangling

Heels bumping, scraping

Soles finding purchase

At last

The sky mellowed in periwinkle

Above begins the descent

To meet me where I am

Without you

Here in the dark

In this cold

In this void

Faint flickering lights

Parsecs apart

An impossible distance

Against all reason

The fire within me

Answers the sudden flare

of orange in the heavens

I am flame and heat

Living light

I am whole and healed

Connected to

Every star burning

In this cosmos

Eternal

purple nebula
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Behind the Song: Bottle of the Blues

I wrote this song thinking of the line from Gotye’s Somebody That I Used to Know that goes “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,” and how even so, we seek out love and connection with others.

“Like resignation to the end, always the end”

Gotye’s song is, of course, beautiful and sad, and poignant, about endings and final words to lovers beyond our reach.

As Rosalie once said of Bottle of the Blues, “This is a kind of mood.”

Perhaps the addiction is to a darker shade of sadness, one with brittle cracks, and jagged edges.

It’s about beginnings, and connection even in the midst of pain and suffering.

This is a kind of mood, and not everyone will understand.

For those who do, I’m sorry.

Lyrics here

Things You Never Told Her

In dusty musty boxes

In the basement corner near the back

Papers yellowing with age

Edges curling crinkled

Ink is smudged and

Pencil smearing

Cardboard soft and slightly limping

Are the words that choke you

In the middle of the night

How the sunlight dancing through her hair

Is magic when she lifts her face to laugh

Because she had a thought which pleased her

So she glanced over her shoulder

When her eyes met yours you felt it

Underneath your bones

Electric

How her presence in the darkest nights

Her even softest breathing of her sleeping

On more than one occasion anchored you to life

When her hand brushed up against yours

Fingers intertwining

Held you steady as your fears came creeping

That her touch banished them from sight

How the glimpse of her turning dancing movements

As she measured out a song while she was cooking in the kitchen

And her voice would sing along

That the joy arising from her gave you one more thing to love

About a life that had been dark and wary

Stressed and sacrificial

Maybe she never knew how she was balm to healing pressures

Maybe she never saw her worth beyond a budgeted refusal

Frugal and self reliant

She fixed and healed and tidied

Maybe she wept at times for lack

Maybe she questioned every penny of her worth

Maybe she longed for one more word of kindness

Maybe she wished for a hand which reached her heart

Maybe she knew

How every day you counted her first among your blessings

Some pages in the boxes stuck together

Moldering in cardboard splitting at the seams

Bending breaking open

Spilling letters onto concrete in the basement of your heart

The words running together

In wild fantastic herds

They have galloped across the plains into the forests

Grazing underbrush of lines growing thick

Around the trembling trunks of trees

All the poetry you feel is falling floating down

Drifting in paragraphs

In autumn colors just like leaves

As you trace the patterns on her hands

Watching wrinkles crinkle careless at the corners of her eyes

As she gazes at the antics of the chipmunks just outside

Maybe her smile is warmer, brighter when her glance meets yours

Maybe she reads each unsaid word there within the light

Glowing from within the silence of the corner boxes

In the basement near the back

Spontaneously combusted in the twilight of your life

As the flames dance and spark there

Behind your eyes

All the things you never told her

Flickering tendrils in the darkness

Became her hearth and home

person standing on brown wooden floor
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Wild Places

I remember how the air wrapped around my arms

A little cooler as the sun lowered out of sight

The dirt path beneath my bare feet

A thrum emanating from the trail

Oh, how bright the moon shined

Not quite full

Small, wispy clouds curling like smoke

Each tree shimmered in the fading light

Some leaves had turned, and some had fallen

Lush green still dominated the canopy

Stepping lightly along the soft earth

What did I follow

Why did I go and not turn back

This mystery ahead calling me

Into the dark forest

The trail narrowed and twisted

I climbed and descended

Touching my palm against this smooth bark

Against that rippled surface

Too low to hear it

I could feel the vibrations

Ahead of me

Glowing faintly brighter before

fading

I reached and stretched

My paws scratched through the surface

My fur brushed against the underbrush

As I ran loping up the mountain

Soon enough

The rest of the pack had joined me

A short stretch of communion

Then they veered off t o the left

To the right

And the summit was mine

I howled

Sending my spirit into the night sky

A flare into the void

I listened for you then

In a palpable silence

In a tense quiet

Again I set loose all my longing

A sound terrible echoing to this day

I am sillouette

A dream

An illusion of loss and desire

Waiting for the answering call

Of your soul

Unquenched in the wild places

Endless desolation

Sometimes I still hear that awful silence

As I add another item

To the cart

And stand in line to check out

mountains covered with snow
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Almost Love

I felt the absence of you when you left

A glance to share an inside joke

Shorthand to understanding with a word

Missed the easy rhythm long established

Of daily routines set by mutual interaction

It was almost love

Well it was love but not love, love

Not the kind of love you’d walk through fire for

Or the kind that would burn down all your walls

Not the get to the bottom of things love

Nor the we can work this out together if we try kind of love

It was only if it’s convenient kind of love

As long as we stay comfortably on the surface kind of love

And healing’s okay for you, you mess

But I’m just fine

Sure you’re just fine

It was almost love

Almost fine

Almost good enough for now

It was easily replaced for you

Settle in another mess

Almost love’s no longer right for me

I want the burning, yearning, growing kind of love

An intimacy beyond surface

A healing intertwined throughout a journey

A spiritual connection

A divine interaction

I’m almost there, love

I’m almost love, now

Just one more step into the infinite

Dawning light of spirit

This love is freedom

No almost in sight

A Great Love

Love is universal

Who are we to want for more

The soul connecting

Intimacy

Of two hearts that beat as one

Do we dare to dream

That our heart is not alone

Are we one with all

And

All for one

Can we connect just soul to soul

Is there a moment in this life

When we know something greater than just strife

Can we give away the happy

Without regret

There’s a devotion to something greater

In caring for one another

Does that preclude

A union one to one

In matrimony

In harmony

These are the questions

I will live

As long as I have breath to give

Take some joy and wonder

I cannot keep it all

For myself

For the seeking of a great love

Comes with the giving of it all

As opportunity presents itself

Open handed

Not holding back

Daily Poem 11/28/2020

Some days it’s enough

To know that somewhere out there

Are butterflies, and flowers

That the sun rose, and the moon shines

That music plays ballads softly in our bones

A rising crescendo, mach speed reached

When the heart drum beats to the tune

Of crumbling leaves, and falling stars

It’s enough to know there are waves reaching shores

That souls still connect over time and space

That some friendships and connections will not sever

And that the morning will bring a respite

From the night