Unprepared, that’s what we realized
Too late to prepare
A failure in the system of support
The facts had been laid out clearly
Emotions, well, not prioritized well enough
So we draw from resources already low
Withstand the shock and awe
Grief in gut clenching waves
Swamp us
How do we stand in these drenchings
No, we cannot
For a moment there is sand and salt water
In our eyes, and mouths, and ears, and everywhere
We are pulled to the surface
Loving hands hold us while we choke and spit
Words lie
“I’m okay. It’s fine.”
Words minimize the growing distress
We resist the grief, and pain, and change, and oh,
Would that we could just lie on the cold tile floor and weep
Writhe for a moment on the carpet and let our souls
Scream silently, loudly, gutturally to the holy ones who have abandoned us
In our times of need and sorrow and screw them
For our existence is too much
Always too much and never enough
We are in the dark tunnel, the cold night, the deep sea
Under pressure, freezing, and alone
So alone
We are a mote in the void of time
Flooding the world with our sorrows
How cheated we feel when the sun shines
How betrayed by bird song and flowers
How can beauty just be there when all this pain is still flowing
Rivers into oceans
The music changes slowly from this dark lament
Heartbeat slowing
Muscles relaxing
Aren’t we ridiculous here on the floor
The snot is not poetic, and we chuckle
Hungry and needing to use the bathroom
This round has become a draw, not another loss
Not another lost one
Not quite found yet, but on the way somewhere
Walking slowly one more step away from the pain
