Momentary Lapse of Irrationality

The clear reflection of a pond

A mirror without cracks

No warping vision

The gentlest of truths

A soft love

Freely given

Share this breath

Under a shedding sky

Wrung droplets misting

We sleep

Buffered in the warmth

Of bricks and bones

Always home

Behind the Song: Bottle of the Blues

I wrote this song thinking of the line from Gotye’s Somebody That I Used to Know that goes “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,” and how even so, we seek out love and connection with others.

“Like resignation to the end, always the end”

Gotye’s song is, of course, beautiful and sad, and poignant, about endings and final words to lovers beyond our reach.

As Rosalie once said of Bottle of the Blues, “This is a kind of mood.”

Perhaps the addiction is to a darker shade of sadness, one with brittle cracks, and jagged edges.

It’s about beginnings, and connection even in the midst of pain and suffering.

This is a kind of mood, and not everyone will understand.

For those who do, I’m sorry.

Lyrics here

Resolutions

We will be better

More healed

More patient

More loving

We long to leave behind our flaws

Abandon them to the cold and walk away

Spiritually sound

Balanced and centered in a world precarious

The gods laugh

Sending new storms

Higher waves

Incoming missiles of heartache and pain

We dodge

Are dislodged

Thrown from the boat again

Castaways

Always seeking shores

And shelter

And safety

The axis of the world tilts

Is tilting still

In the stillness of motion

We reclaim our flaws

Humbled and uncertain

This is always the lesson

Imperfect Love

My heart loves perfectly

Wholly

Without terms and conditions

My heart is caged

Trapped

Within me

By mind and ego and scars

The past warps expressions

In the rush to emote

I trip over words

Phrased poorly

I am tactless

The worse it goes

The worse I make it

Stumbling and desperate

To give and share the perfect love I feel

The more I try

The more I fall

Stumbling over broken shards of truth

This healing is too hard, I cry

I squash the ego with humiliation

I’m sorry, I say

I’m sorry I’m broken

I’m sorry I wasn’t healed enough

I’m sorry I survived this way

I couldn’t find another way to make it

I couldn’t find a different way to live than this one

I contorted

To be loved

To be understood

I try to be what you need and what you want

Yet in the end I am just this

Mess of partially healed

Partially wounded

Partially wise

Partially healing

Partially damaged

Partially processed

Parts

I am a stew of emotions

I am a bird in flight in the rain

I am the limping wolf

The deer tangled in barbed wire

My heart is caught and wild and pure

If I knew how I would be only peace

If I knew how my words would only soothe

If I knew how my actions would only heal

If I knew how to be invincible

I would cease panicking

Stop suffering

End doubt

Even rocks are not invincible

The world itself suffers

All of life is a blend of love and pain

Light and shadow

I am a layered painting

I am a song of dissonance and harmony

And so are you

And so are you

Loving imperfectly like me

Being imperfectly loved like me

We muddle through it

Wading through this life

Knee deep in mystery

Bog sucking boots

Trying to find dry land again

We slog through the difficulties

Until we’re safe on the forest path

Filtered sunlight and dry trails

Our love growing more confident

Skewed a little more to perfect

A little further way from pained

And we walk joyous together

In the welcoming woods

Unfocused

In sharp detail

Everywhere

Except

The central point

The compass spins

Standing on magnetic North

Less magnetism

More movement

Fresh focus

Redefine the goal

Snap to grid

In sweet realignment

The central clears

Every line detailed

In truth

Danced

Music in my feet

Each movement syncopated

Sparks in eyes wide open

Twirling around the floor

Lights are flashing colors

The backbeat dropping candy

Rise above the noise

Rhythm flowing through me

A river graced and banked

Past and future touched

The night

Clap

The beginning just begun

band members playing on stage
Photo by David Yu on Pexels.com

Wild Dreaming

We gallop across clouded fields

In the sky running for the stars

Our manes are flags flying colors bold

We leap across glowing nebulous pools

Racing onward

We are flight and fury

Born to run and not to fight

Unless cornered

So we stay open

Centered

Watchful as we shift our weight

When we graze

Secure in the group

Sharing the responsibility

Of safety

When the wolves leap from the bush

We spring away headlong

We were coiled for just this moment

We prey

We are gone like mist and smoke

Disappearing into depths of shadows and woods

We thunder

The wolves howl

The moon catches us all

In her quiet regard

Desert Rains

The skies rumble

Grey clouds forming dark

Looming low as the wind rises

You should stay inside

Avoid the potential hail and lightning

But it’s been so long since it rained

The desert sun shriveling every plant

Except the cacti and the succulents

As your barefeet hit the hot sand

Large drops of water

Hit the ground

Small explosions sounding

Like smiled hellos in passing

Among parked cars and reggae

He told you he wouldn’t stay

He told you he didn’t want more than a moment

Of your time

But how he rained on you

Praise and attention

Smiles and intelligent conversation

And you danced barefoot in the storm

With a smile radiant

The lightning barely missing

The thunder roaring wild in your veins

Air crackled

Rivers were born, raging

Dying as the clouds moved along

The quiet pronounced the end

Buildings sparkled

The accumulated dust washed away

Days later the desert burst into bloom

Your dress hung from a line snapping

Reproaches in the sweltering breeze

You couldn’t hear it as your feet

Tapped rhythms on the cool tile floor

You bowed to your reflection

Which winked back at you

Though you might miss the rain at times

The desert heart is always blooming

Wild and free

green and orange cactus
Photo by Noel Ross on Pexels.com

Memory of Today

Each moment I hold on to light

Letting go and holding tight

Packing memories of today

With open wings for flight

I can’t lift off the ground

With all the ballast that I found

Cutting loose

Cutting loose

I let the moments pass me by

The memories fading as they form

Shapes in clouds and then they’re gone

What sweet impression had you left

Cut by cruelty I wept

A freedom only sought by daydreams

Ephemeral bargains never kept

One more tie to loosen

Ruffled feathers smoothed

The sky is always waiting

Always wanting me to choose

I soar above it all

Pain and love and strife

I look down to watch you

In the distance

Standing by the rope that’s cut

I watch you sheath your knife